The Ridiculous Ramblings of Rose
by CanadianCheerleader
Summary: "I need to know how I went from dancing on the common room table, shaking Billy Reid's tie like a lasso above my head, which I will forever vehemently deny, to cheating on my boyfriend.  With Malfoy."  Rose Weasley is in quite a pickle.
1. Bad Dream

A/N: So I am a long-time reader of Scorpius/Rose, but never attempted to write my own until now, so I'm fairly nervous… go easy on me.

_Tell me I'm having just a bad dream tonight_

_Tell me love, that it's all alright_

_Tell me I'm having just a bad dream tonight_

_Come wake me up_

_-Bad Dream_

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November 25

I just want to make one thing clear, right off the bat. I am not the type of girl who would normally be writing in a diary. I had considered them to be silly and frivolous, and frankly, a complete waste of time. When I had been given one as a gift as a little girl of six or seven, I attempted to fill it, but I didn't last long. You can only write 'today I had eggs for breakfast' or 'I flooed to Aunt Ginny's' so many times before you have a book filled with inexorable proof of just how tedious your life really is.

Since then, I had sworn off the damn books for good, and, honestly, hadn't even considered writing down my 'thoughts' until now. There is simply no other option if I am ever going to sort out what's going on upstairs, because right now my thoughts are so completely bent out of shape that every few moments I have to remind myself of my own name. The hangover certainly doesn't help.

I have always been an overly analytical and overly emotional person, which is a huge contributing factor into the current and rapid disappearance of my sanity. What other people do is not black and white, you know, and my desire to know the meaning behind their actions is perfectly reasonable. Er, most of the time anyway. Sometimes I can get a bit carried away, like on the train ride home at the end of last year when Jeff Maniloe casually told me to 'write him this summer'.

What did that mean? Did he really want to hear from me? What was I supposed to say to a cute guy I had barely spoken to in all my years at Hogwarts if I was to owl him? Even though it was his suggestion, would he find it odd if I did? Did it matter to him if I didn't? I was oh so tempted to ask him, and I would have, if not for Lily expressly forbidding me and insisting it was the worst possible way to handle the situation. If you had a fiery red-headed witch snarling at you while thrusting a wand in your face, you would have surrendered too. Even if she is barely five feet tall. Anyway, my point is, this trait is generally a useful one; it tends to lead to me making rational, intelligent decisions. God knows where my trusty brain was last night when I needed it most.

As for the whole, over-emotional thing… Now that's something I could definitely do without. I am not a fan of being unable to stop myself from bursting into tears over things that I know should not be upsetting me. And that's not when Aunt Flow is visiting either… don't even get me started on what happens then. This was the reason that, to the eternal dismay of my father, it took me so long to follow Quidditch. I mean, sure, I found the game interesting enough (come on, who wouldn't) but watching it just wasn't worth the devastating heartbreak I would feel when the team I was cheering for came up short. But even that's not the worst part.. the worst part was being unable to fully appreciate my team's victory because my heart would completely go out to the team that hadn't won. Someone had to lose, and no matter who it was, I felt the loss so powerfully that it may as well have happened to me – and I hate to lose.

I take things personally. So when my boyfriend, Lorcan Scamander, told me he couldn't come to Ravenclaw's Quidditch victory party with me because he had an essay due and no other free time to do it in, I assumed it was because he simply didn't want to spend time with me. Even though his intelligence and diligence in class was one of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. I really am a rotten girlfriend.

So Lorcan made his way to the library and completed his essay like the responsible young adult that he is, while I tried to enjoy the party in the tower while feeling upset and trying to deal with that horrid 'not good enough' feeling. You know the one. I couldn't help it; I wanted Lorcan to be here with me, I wanted him to think, just this once, that spending time with me was a priority. How could a class be more important to him than me, the girl he claimed to love? I know, I know. I'm selfish as well as horrid. Don't worry, it gets worse.

So, what do you do when you're miserable at a party? I'm aware that it wasn't entirely responsible of me, but it really seemed, at the time, that drowning my sorrows in Firewhiskey was the only thing that would make me feel better. Yeah, won't be making that mistake again. Hopefully. It's not like I hadn't drank before, I am, after all, cousin to James Potter, biggest party animal Hogwarts has seen since, well, my guess is ever.

But this time, it was different. I suppose you could say that I was drinking with the sole purpose to get drunk, while the previous times it had been just a drink or two because it was expected of me. Note to self: when others are telling you you're done, you're done. Don't laugh like they have no clue what they are talking about and then trip over a chair leg and fall on your face. Oh god, and I landed on that little third year, Susan whatever, who really should have been in bed anyway and is therefore more to blame than I am, really.

Which is one of the only clear memories I have of last night, which is not at all promising. I don't want to think about all the humiliating things I got up to last night… In particular the one other thing I have memory of. Oh my God I can't even believe I am going to write this down, where it will exist as tangible evidence of my guilt. I remember… lips. On mine. That definitely did not belong to Lorcan. And the eyes, cold like steel instead of the warm chocolate of my boyfriend… Okay, so I remember the who.

Scorpius Malfoy. The how and the why of our making out has been erased from my brain. There is no acceptable excuse for this; it shouldn't matter how it happened. But it does. I need to know how I went from dancing on the common room table shaking Billy Reid's tie like a lasso above my head (which I will forever vehemently deny) to cheating on my boyfriend. With Malfoy. Who I hate. Firewhiskey should be out-lawed if it causes well-intentioned young girls like me to end up going at it with boys they've hated since before they had even met. Maybe I thought he was Lorcan. Lorcan is the only guy I want to be kissing.

Malfoy… is part of why I'm still hiding up in my dormitory instead of going to Lunch even though I'm starving because all of my stomach's contents have been thoroughly emptied into the toilet. I can't stand to look at his smug face, have him lord it over me that 'no girl could resist him', seeing as, until last night, I was probably the only one who ever had. What a victory it must be for him. I never want to see his face again, see those lips and those eyes. But I have to, and I know I have to soon, because there is no way he's just going to keep this to himself without multiple threats to his life. I'm praying to Merlin that no one saw us last night, and I'm clinging to that like a lifeline.

No one will believe Malfoy if he just starts mouthing off about how he kissed Rose Weasley if he has no witnesses. Hopefully. I mean, it's hardly plausible. And Malfoy has a bit of a reputation for boasting and over-exaggerating about his female conquests. Oh, who am I kidding. If he breathes a single word, my life is over.

-Rose Weasley. The cheater who is going to Hell.

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A/N: So, I know the plot is a bit cliché, but I hope it's enjoyable all the same. Please review :)


	2. Secret

I'm not used to getting more than one review in a month! So thank you very much! :D

_Got a secret _

_Can you keep it?_

_Swear this one you'll save _

_Better lock it in your pocket _

_Taking this one to the grave_

_-Secret, The Pierces

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November 26

Apparently once with the whole 'diary' thing wasn't enough. In order for my life to get back to its previous state of perfection, or near enough anyway, I need to get myself straightened out. I'm becoming a bit of an emotional wreck; it's as though my feelings just swam the English channel 3-5 times and are now completely on the fritz. I almost burst into tears this morning when I discovered there was no syrup to drizzle over my bacon. Honestly. Something needs to be done, because I don't think I'm gonna last long otherwise.

I've had three completely miserable and awkward encounters in the past 24 hours that I would normally happily pretend had never happened… except now I've gotten it into my head that writing it down might actually _help _the situation. And let me tell you, it had better, because otherwise I am wasting my valuable time scribbling in this instead of roaming the castle hiding from people who I am avoiding, such as Lily, Lorcan, Albus, Hugo, and Malfoy. Which is quite a feat, even in a castle as big as this one.

I guess I'll start with Lily. I told her what I did. You know, the whole cheating thing. In case you forgot. Which I did for a blissful twenty minutes when I fell asleep in Divination earlier. Merlin knows why I am even in that class. Anyway… Lily is my best friend. So, suffice to say, I was expecting a little support. Not understanding or sympathy, because I am perfectly aware that I don't deserve either of those things for behaving like a drunken slut. But I did not expect her to act as if it was no big deal. As if I am overreacting by being this upset, overreacting like I 'always do' according to her. Which is completely false.

At first, Lily took my statement of 'I hooked up with Malfoy' to mean 'I shagged Malfoy', and once I firmly set the record straight that no matter how drunk I am, I am not the kind of girl who sleeps around with her mortal enemies, she kind of lost interest. She even had the nerve to say, "So you guys only kissed? _What _is the big deal then? A meaningless kiss is _hardly _cheating." Somehow, I don't think Lorcan will feel the same way. And God, I love Lily and everything, but really! Cheating isn't a big deal if it's only kissing? Where does she get this stuff? I don't know what to do with her; she's going to run into trouble if she keeps gallivanting around 'not cheating'. But then again, I'm the one who's in trouble. Maybe Lily is right, and the solution to the whole thing is to just let it go, pretend it didn't happen (I hardly remember it anyway), toss my guilt to the side. Oh, who am I kidding. I'm not Lily. I can't even look at Lorcan without feeling completely horrid and undeserving of his love. _I _know I cheated.

Which brings me to my second awkward encounter… Lunch with Lorcan yesterday. I'm not sure I said more than two words to him all meal, and those words were 'hello' and 'goodbye'. I sat there beside him for a good twenty minutes, my stomach twisting in knots. Bless Lorcan, I don't think he even noticed that I wasn't eating or speaking. He was rigorously poring over his Ancient Runes notes in 'preparation for a potential pop quiz'. Normally his obliviousness to my feelings irritates me to no end, and I start to question whether or not he knows me at all, but today, it was a blessing.

Even if we have been together eight months, he has yet to catch on to the fact that I am a fairly talkative person, even when I don't particularly have anything important to say, and that the quieter I am, generally the more upset I am. That could probably go down as the worst meal of my life, barring the dessert three years ago when my mum thought it would be a good idea to have muggle 'S'mores'. Little Hugo caught his marshmallow on fire, and the runt couldn't blow it out for the life of him. My parents were no help, my mother wanting him to be 'independent' and put it out on his own, and my dad just thinking the marshmallow looked cool when it was on fire. So Hugo shook it. Until it finally flew off his wand. Into my hair. While on fire. And though it wasn't flaming for long, it still burnt my hair, and made a hot, gooey, disgusting mess, and made Hugo cry inconsolably because he had so been looking forward to eating it. But other than that, this meal was the worst ever. I don't understand how our relationship is supposed to thrive if I can't even look him in the eye. But how am I supposed to act around him? I want to act like everything is normal, but it isn't. I've never been a good actress. I haven't seen him since yesterday, even though we were supposed to do our homework together in the library last night, like we always do. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't notice that I never showed up. I suppose it's my girlfriendly duty to go tonight… unless I pretend I have detention. But then I'd have to talk to him to tell him I have detention… Unless Lily does it for me! Perfect.

I'm assuming you've gathered by now that Malfoy has not destroyed my fragile psyche by telling the population of Hogwarts about… The thing. Yet. I don't know how long he can keep it to himself, to be honest. Our interaction earlier went a little something like this:

"Malfoy. I urgently need to speak with you privately." –Me

"Whatever, Weasel. I'm a snobbish prick who doesn't have time for the likes of you." –Malfoy (okay maybe I added that second part in for effect… but it was written all over his face, he might as well have said it.)

"I am commanding you to keep your mouth shut about any slightly sexual endeavours that we may or may not have embarked upon the other night." –Me, always professional and put together.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Please, refresh my memory." –Malfoy. Honestly, who does he think he is? Like Hell he doesn't know what I'm talking about! He just wants to hear me say it… Well that is _not _going to happen. No way am I admitting to it.

So, while blushing something awful, I intelligently utter, "you know… The thing. That we did."

"You mean you drunkenly and shamelessly throwing yourself at me despite my numerous protests?" I swear, when he smirks he looks like the Devil. And I did _not _throw myself at him. I don't think. I don't technically remember, but I'm certain that's not what happened.

"It doesn't matter what you want to call it, because you won't be uttering a word on the subject." So ha.

"What's in it for me?" God, can't the guy just do this one little thing for me? I gave him the gift of getting to kiss me, not everyone gets to experience that. Technically, _he _owes _me_. I wish I'd thought to say that at the time.

Instead I threatened, "You get to keep your life."

"I think I'll take my chances." He even had the nerve to _chuckle_. I have never heard such a demonic sound. As if he doesn't find me threatening in the slightest. When he started to walk away, I panicked.

"What'll it take? I'll do anything." As soon as the words left my lips I knew I shouldn't have let them escape. The self-satisfied look on his face made me somehow feel hot and cold at the same time. I'm an idiot. Why didn't I just think before I opened my fat mouth?

"Anything?" Oh God, no. I take it back. I didn't mean it. "In that case… I want a repeat performance." I'm not joking. That's actually what he said. If I thought I was blushing before, it was nothing compared to now. I think I blinked 684 times in the span of about 3 seconds, and made a few unattractive choking noises at the same time.

"Think about it." And then he strutted off. I'm a little embarrassed to admit how long I stood there for, staring after him but not really seeing. The heat from my cheeks still hadn't faded, but my heart rate had finally returned to normal by the time I realized I was standing in a deserted corridor staring into space, and I should probably move.

_Think about it_. What's there to think about? It's not happening. It would be completely deplorable. I have morals, you know. And yet… if it's the only way to keep the story from getting out… No. It's ridiculous. There's no question that it would only make things worse, it would just mean that I had cheated multiple times rather than just the one. We all make mistakes, right? Merlin knows I certainly didn't _want _to kiss Malfoy, and I only did because I was so plastered I couldn't tell the difference between the fire in the hearth and the Giant Squid. Though they are oddly similar… Not the point. The point is that, if I were to kiss Malfoy again… it would be for Lorcan. Because I still want to be with him, I still want him to love me. Would that make it okay?

I'm a little frightened to ask Lily's advice on this. I wish I could ask Albus, as he tends to be much more rational than his little sister, but this isn't something I can go to him about. I'm scared to even talk to him about something as vanilla as the weather, which is dismal by the way, because _he'll _know something's wrong. Unfortunately not all boys are as blissfully oblivious as Lorcan… If Hugo or Albus get even a glimpse of me the interrogation will begin almost instantaneously.

God, I hate Malfoy. It's his fault that I'm lying to my boyfriend and avoiding my own family like the plague. He _must _have known how drunk I was… He took advantage! I should tell McGonagall, except then I would have to admit to the Firewhiskey… What is he trying to accomplish, anyway? He certainly can't _want_ to kiss me; he's spent our entire Hogwarts career ensuring that I understand that he finds me revolting. So why kiss me in the first place? And why demand to do it again? I assume he's trying to convert me to the dark side… I honestly think he finds it criminal that some people actually believe in monogamy. Well I'm not doing it. I'm not even going to consider it anymore than I already have. It would be like selling myself! I'm not a prostitute for Heaven's sake! No, it's settled. Malfoy will just have to think of some other 'anything' for me to do, because digging myself a bigger hole and deepening my guilt is certainly not going to work.

-Rose Weasley. The almost prostitute.

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A/N: So the story about the flaming marshmallow really did happen to me... And don't you imagine, when you're roasting marshmallows, that the sticks are kinda like wands and it would be great if wizards could stick marshmallows on the ends of them? No? Just me? Okay.

Please Review :)


	3. Spinning

A/N: Sorry for the thousand digressions and the bit with the fork... I just watched Hot Tub Time Machine, which is ridiculous, but it was clearly on my mind. As for the green men... I love the Canucks. Even if it is off-season. xD

_The room is spinning, I have got no choice_

_Be patient, I am getting to the point_

_I can't remember when the earth turned slowly_

_So I just waited with the lights turned out again_

_I lost my place but I can't stop this story_

_-Spinning, Jack's Mannequin

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November 27

Lily thinks it's _romantic_. What Malfoy is demanding of me. Of course, she doesn't find it even slightly degrading or demoralizing. She believes this is the best sign you can possibly hope for that you're 'a good snog'. I never even really considered whether or not I was a good snog… I'm not sure it entirely matters to any males in the slightest. But of course it matters magnanimously to Lily. I always knew she was off her rocker, but every day I get more and more worried for the deteriorating state of her pensées. That's French. For thoughts. According to Aunt Fleur. I decided to throw that in there since I haven't been feeling too smart lately. I should have studied at Lunch with Lorcan yesterday, how did he _know _there was going to be a pop quiz in Ancient Runes? Isn't the whole point of a pop quiz that it's a 'surprise'? You know anyone who decides to be a teacher is part psychopath when their idea of a surprise is a test. I thought surprises were supposed to be things like presents and declarations of eternal love while confetti rains down. I was so unprepared that someone may actually have achieved a higher mark than me, which generally causes me to have a minor emotional breakdown. Very minor.

Gosh, I am easily sidetracked. My point was… that if I don't find someone else I can confide in who is not a nutcase, and soon, my moral corruption is only going to continue! How could Malfoy's persistent determination to destroy my life be considered in any way, by anyone, to be romantic? Perhaps she's trying to use reverse psychology on me, so that… I'm not sure if she's trying to convince me that snogging Malfoy is a good idea or not. Which of course it isn't. I would rather be repeatedly stabbed in the eye with a plastic fork than have his tongue come anywhere near the vicinity of mine.

Er, again.

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Well this is slightly embarrassing, because if I raise my eyes a good 3 centimeters I can see what I myself wrote not 6 hours ago, and now I am going to have to contradict it completely. Maybe I should just spare everyone and write a meaningful poem instead of detailing my own failure as a human being.

_There was once a rose in a field _

_t__hat was covered in thorns_

_and when it rained the thorns would grow to epic heights _

_until one day they reached all the way to the sky _

_and little green men climbed down them _

_from a galaxy far far away and destroyed the earth_

Okay never mind. I think my talent lies elsewhere. Although, maybe I should bring this along to the little poetry gatherings that that scrawny and strangely intense Hufflepuff is always holding in random corridors. It's rather sad that he's always the only one there, perhaps he would appreciate my input and then know that there is someone else in the world who cares for poetry as much as he does and then he will be prevented from offing himself and I will have saved a life.

Right so I am clearly digressing and essay ing (Franglais for trying) to distract myself from the decision that I made which I had literally no control over whatsoever. My traitorous mind decided to sell my body and my soul. For love. Which I guess sounds kind of cool and bad ass but really it's not, not even a little bit. I suppose you want to know how I managed to come to this conclusion, which differs strongly from my earlier stance on the subject.

I'd like to know too. It was Lorcan's fault to be completely honest with you. Now, I am aware that he is never never ever going to find out about my, er, _indiscretions _with a boy who is not him, but just in case the entire world twirls on it's axis and my boyfriend decides to actually use the lovely eyes that he was blessed with and notice a little bit of what's going on around him, I have my excuse fully prepared. It goes like this: he left me alone at a party, which he would not have done if he truly loved me. And clearly he did not find me attractive enough to be in danger of falling prey to the desire of other single men on the prowl. Which was woefully damaging to my self-esteem. I will be so upset by him finding out about my being rotten to the core that I will already be tearing up and then will not be required to cry on command when saying that last bit. Which is good because I am completely incapable of crying on command anyway. Though that would be a useful talent to have.

I cannot let him find out! If the only way to stop Malfoy from ruining my relationship is to sacrifice myself then so be it! It's even sort of honourable. But I know that Lorcan would be devastated if he found out; he's a gentle soul, he's sensitive! He's a better person than me by miles, who simply wouldn't understand how I, or anyone, could do something like what I did. I made up my mind for good when we were 'studying' in the library; at least, Lorcan was studying while I was working really hard to look like I was going over my notes and not swimming in guilt. I don't think he noticed. When, all of a sudden, Lorcan let out such a cry of despair that I forgot I was busy counting the wrinkles on my palms and looked at him properly for the first time since the _incident_.

Guess what the fuss was about. Just guess.

He had accidentally closed his book onto a disgusting, hairy, eight-legged monster the size of my thumbnail. An _arachnid_. And he was _upset_ about it. I was silently and secretly rejoicing that the cursed thing was dead and therefore couldn't crawl into my mouth while I was asleep or something equally disgusting. Did you know that spiders actually do that? It's true. I've probably already eaten one. I may never sleep again.

So Lorcan spends the next five minutes uselessly prodding the thing with his wand trying to revive it. You'd think he'd realize that, seeing as how _no one_ has ever brought something back from the dead before, he would surely not be able to do it and ergo should not bother trying. But no, try he did. For quite some time. It was a bit painful to watch.

But if that's the way he reacts to the death of a creepy bug thing, how would he react to the death of a relationship? To infidelity? I, for one, cannot handle that and I will not put him through that anguish. Plus he might start prodding me with his wand like he did to the book-smushed spider.

I feel like, by deciding to do this, I'm selling my soul. To Malfoy. Merlin knows what he'll do with it. I just want things to go back to normal and to stop being _blackmailed_! Is that really so much to ask?

-Rose Weasley. The Soul-Less Girl Who Finds Joy in the Death of Anthropods.

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A/N: I have no idea why there are random French and half French half English words in here. That happens sometimes. I have no control.

Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favourites on the first two chapters! Last chapter got one more review than the one before it, I'm aiming for one more for this chapter. Progress! Thanks for reading! :)


	4. Hands Down

A/N: Thanks for your great feedback on the last chapter! I was so excited about my reviews and alerts that I couldn't wait to write more!

This chapter is more serious than the last, but hopefully it's still fun. Here we go!

_The words are hushed_

_Let's not get busted_

_Just lay entwined here_

_Undiscovered_

_Stay quiet, stay near_

_Stay close, they can't hear_

_-Hands Down, Dashboard Confessional_

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November 29

I don't even know where to start. Sorry for not writing yesterday… I'm sure you really missed me and all that jazz, but I was just coming to terms with the fact that I officially no longer have a soul.

Malfoy is my dementor, and by kissing me has left me empty and without a reason to go on in life.

Okay, I'm aware that this may seem like a bit of an extreme reaction considering Malfoy and I have already snogged and, really, we all know that snogging 'isn't cheating'. I wish I had thought to down a full bottle of Firewhiskey before our rendezvous; then I could go on knowing I had kissed him yet being blissfully unaware of what it was like.

Now I don't know _what _to do.

I suppose it was rather naïve of me to have imagined that kissing him would be less enjoyable than locking lips with a hippogriff; he's had quite enough practice to vaguely understand the mechanics of snogging. I'm also not entirely sure why I imagined his tongue would be all prickly like a cat's… or a cactus… It's not that farfetched, someone easily could have hexed him at some point over his 17 years of being the world's biggest prick. There has been many a time when I would have simply _loved _to turn his tongue all prickly.

But it wasn't.

I am a teenage girl, and I am well aware of the way hormones work and that it is perfectly normal for me to enjoy kissing – but I should not have found it more pleasing to kiss Malfoy than my own boyfriend.

And now I have to burn this book immediately because if anyone ever reads this I will be expelled from my own family and be made to live in Grampa's muggle tool shed until I eventually waste away from lack of nutrition. Which I may just do to myself regardless, because, as I said before, my life is over anyway.

I just don't understand. I don't understand why kissing Malfoy was so… _different _from kissing Lorcan. I don't understand why it made me completely lose my head and forget my name and forget _his _name, which ultimately is the biggest problem here. At first, I was obviously very reluctant and, well, frigid. And everything was fine. But something happened when he pulled me closer and I suddenly just melted and sweet Merlin I am never ever going to read another trashy romance novel ever as long as I live because I am now acting like I'm _in _one.

Maybe it's just been too long since Lorcan and I had a good, proper snog. Like I just had with Malfoy in the abandoned Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom. What with Lorcan doing a riveting experiment regarding whether or not constantly having his nose in a book will actually make him incapable of doing anything that does not involve one, and me, er, avoiding him, there hasn't been much romance between us lately.

But even when we were snogging fairly regularly… it wasn't anything like what I just experienced. If I hadn't been in a committed relationship, he hadn't been Malfoy, and the whole ordeal hadn't been blackmail I would probably consider myself quite blessed to have experienced it.

I guess like how all the other girls at Hogwarts must feel after snogging him. I feel slightly bad for judging them so harshly now. They were powerless, as I was.

Because I could have stopped it much sooner. And I should have. And I meant to. I had the perfect opportunity when three shrieking students ran down the corridor and frantically jiggled the door handle to our classroom, found it locked and, thank Heavens, were either too rushed or too inexperienced to perform the Alohomora spell; they quickly continued on their way.

Malfoy and I stared at the door, frozen in fear, me on the desk and him between my legs and my hand grasping his tie and his hands grasping… everything.

And then we continued on _our _way. Like there had been no disturbance in the first place. That would have been the time to stop. The opportunity presented itself, as clear as day, and I ignored it. I want to tell myself that I was doing it for Lorcan, for us as a couple…. But it was so much easier to feel like a masochistic victim when I was certain that it would be unenjoyable.

Now I just feel like a hussy. Even more than I already did. I was just letting this go on, enjoying it even, and was doing nothing to stop it as things got more and more… frantic. But Lord, the sounds he makes… at least I know that I wasn't the only one enjoying myself, which, even though it was Malfoy and I hate his guts and don't care what he thinks about me for a _second, _is gratifying. Lorcan is more the silent type. Which is great too, of course.

Only I know that Lorcan would never feel me up in an empty classroom, or really anywhere else, and whenever he does get… you know… _into things_, he gets embarrassed and tries to hide it and usually exclaims that he needs to 'use the loo' and runs off in the hopes that I won't notice his reaction to our snogging. It was, needless to say, quite different to have Malfoy making completely sure that I was constantly aware of it.

I don't mean to say that one needs to be felt up in semi-public places to have a successful, loving relationship. I was perfectly happy with the physical aspect of our relationship, and I never really minded when he would dash off because I didn't have much desire to progress further, and figured that I was simply not ready for anything more, and that was normal. I didn't consider that firework electric shock business they're so crazy about in Lily's trashy novels (which I steal much more frequently than I will ever admit) was actually _real_.

I thought it would be silly to require that burning passion when it didn't exist and I had almost everything else I could wish for with Lorcan. But now I don't know how I'm going to snog him and pretend that it's all great… not now that I know just how much greater snogging can be. I shudder to think how far my payment to Malfoy would have gone had the bell not rung to signal the end of our free period; that was the only thing that managed to wake up my foggy brain. I guarantee that my empty mind was nowhere near considering stopping him in the moments leading up to it.

And now I simply have to _trust _that Malfoy is going to honour his word and not say anything about my growing number of indiscretions. He's a Slytherin for God's sake! What's stopping him? Other than intense fear of my extenuous magical ability; he hardly has a conscience or any sense of morality whatsoever. Though I must say that my payment was far exceeding anything he could have been expecting, I myself had planned for the whole ordeal to last no longer than 30 seconds. I was ready to count and everything.

Until my brain stopped working and everything. Which appears to be what happened last time as well. I'm not sure that's a trend I'm entirely comfortable with.

And I did at least manage to get a final threat in, after the bell went and I immediately (almost) shoved him off of me. I tried to use my 'I'm Rose Weasley and my parents saved the Wizarding World and you owe them your life and they taught me everything they know and more so Beware' voice, but I was still recovering and therefore I doubt it was as effective as it normally is.

I simply reminded him that I had fulfilled my end of the business transaction and it was now up to him to complete his unless he never wanted to have children.

He just stared at me like I had three heads. I'm worried I was unintentionally using my 'I'm Rose Weasley and I want you to bed me this instant' voice, which Lily and I practiced extensively last summer. You never know when it'll come in handy.

You'd think he would be even more inclined to listen to that voice. Seeing as how he's a slut and all.

Malfoys are bred to be businessmen above all else aren't they? I'm sure I heard that somewhere… unless I'm making it up to ease my conscience. But it is absolutely imperative for businessmen to hold up their end of any and all bargains in order to achieve financial success.

So basically, it's in his blood to honour our agreement. I think.

-Rose Weasley. The Girl Who's Diary is in Danger of Becoming a Trashy Romance Novel.

* * *

A/N: Too serious? Not realistic enough? Let me know!

I'm also wondering about the chapter length; I'd appreciate some opinions on whether or not I should make them longer and include more than one entry per chapter… Thanks, and please review! :)


	5. Hurricane

A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter, and to everyone who just read it as well, I can't believe how many hits my story had in the past two days!

Also, I would just like to say that the song for this chapter is one of my all time favourites, and I recommend giving it a listen because, like everything by the Hush Sound, it's sort of epic. :D

_You're the finest thing that I've done,_

_The hurricane I'll never outrun_

_I could wait around for the dust to still,_

_But I don't believe that it ever will_

_-Hurricane, The Hush Sound_

_

* * *

_

November 30

I refreshed my memory by snogging Lorcan. I rather wish I hadn't bothered, because now I can't use the excuse of it just having 'been a while' and I had misremembered what kissing him was like. My first impression was spot on; kissing Lorcan was almost as exciting as kissing a flobberworm with a severe case of paralysis.

Almost.

We were up in his dorm, and the whole thing was completely exhausting. I was doing all I was capable of to try and illicit _some _sort of reaction from him, maybe get him to stop lying there so motionless that he might as well have been put in a full body bind. Unless I was so frustrated that I accidentally _did _body bind hm. Unintentionally. And wandlessly. And, er, wordlessly. Hey, I'm sure I'm quite capable…

I honestly think that he's just trying to be _gentlemanly _and not offend me by doing something 'untoward'. Which is perfectly sweet of him, and I appreciate that he has never once pressured me to do anything at all, which I'm sure is rare for a 17 year old boy who was been with a girl for over 8 months.

But I don't quite appreciate being made to feel like I need to start pressuring _him. _ Is it so bad of me to want to progress a little further? Malfoy progressed further in, I would wager, less than a minute than Lorcan did the entire three quarters of an hour I spent in his dorm exhausting every ounce of energy I had in me. But there's the difference right there. Malfoy's certainly no gentleman.

Unless… What if Lorcan isn't being chivalrous at all? What if he just has absolutely no desire to see or touch my body? What if I _repulse _him? That's why he just lays there, because he can't be bothered to put any effort into fraternizing with a girl he finds less attractive than a blast-ended skrewt!

I can't believe I never thought of this before.

This is humiliating. All this time I innocently thought that he was looking out for my virtue… I should have seen the signs! No teenage boy is gentlemanly enough to not even _try _to cop a feel on his girlfriend when they're alone and said girlfriend clearly desires for him to do _something_.

What's wrong with me? I know I'm not a 'drop everything you're doing this instant and just stare at me because I may be a mirage' stunner like Lily is, but I'm certainly no troll! I'm passable! There are clearly blokes who find me attractive, like Cory Blyth who sits to the left of me in Divination and never stops trying to convince me that my future clearly holds the two of us shagging in various and numerous scandalous locations.

And though Malfoy doesn't miss an opportunity to insult my appearance or sunny personality, I'm not an idiot. Actions speak louder than words. I _know _he thinks I'm passable.

And even if my boobs aren't quite as big as I would like them to be compared to the rest of my body, and my stomach could be flatter, and I have fat days like I imagine everyone else does, I personally don't think my figure is anywhere near bad enough to make my boyfriend shudder and recoil!

Plus everyone looks frumpy in a Hogwarts uniform. They're hardly flattering. He shouldn't judge. I have to basically wear a potato sack to class everyday and try to look cute. It's a daunting task. I doubt he could pull off the whole men's shirt/awful skirt/ridiculous sock combo. No, he definitely could not! He is most _definitely _not in any position to judge me!

Okay I need to stop. I'm overreacting. He doesn't technically recoil, or shudder, or express disgust in any way. It's just that he does tend to express apathy. More often than not. Occasionally he is more 'in the mood' than he was today, but if I think in ratios, as I love to do, the number of times he gets into it vs. number of times he does not is certainly not looking good.

I'm starting to wonder what the difference is on the few occasions when he feels the need to sprint from the room. I'm worried that it's not me that's getting him riled up at all; maybe his mind is just wandering to earlier in the day when he was awarded house points or something.

Please, _please_, let my boyfriend consider me more alluring than house points.

* * *

I _cannot _concentrate right now. I am currently sitting in the Dungeon, pretending to take notes in Potions. Professor Quigg, who is a nutcase, thinks it is important to have weekly 'technical' potions lessons, where we generally all stare at her and not absorb a word she's saying about the theory of potion-making and various stirring methods and blah blah blah.

And yes. This happens _weekly_.

I believe right now she is 'explaining' measuring systems and how they have evolved over the years. It's like she's begging us to tune her out. If only we were actually _practicing _our potion-making right now – then I might be able to distract myself from Malfoy's eyes burning holes into my back from the other side of the room.

I've finally caught on that I should stop shooting him filthy looks. I was trying to telepathically convey the message that he was not welcome to stare at the back of my head; I considered it a violation of my rights as a woman and a sexual offense on top of that.

I failed.

He is clearly trying to rattle me and get under my skin, and I am not going to let that happen. I'm just going to ignore him. It's not like I can see him anyway. I'll just convince myself that he's not even in the room.

Malfoy is _not _staring at the back of my head, because yesterday he stood on top of the Slytherin table and announced that he was leaving Hogwarts to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a hunchbacked leprechaun hunter, and he hoped that his fellow students would support him in all of his future endeavours.

He's still staring at me, this isn't _working, _maybe _I _should just leave school and become a hunchbacked leprechaun hunter-

Oh. That's interesting. Now he's taken to throwing parchment at me. How mature.

Perhaps I should read his note, not because I care what it says of course, because I clearly don't, but it would be rather rude not too, after he went to all the trouble of hitting me with it.

Okay I shouldn't have read it. I vow to, from now on, just do things that are rude and not think about it for another second, because my irritating 'proper up-bringing' has just caused me to read a note that declares:

_Astronomy tower. Midnight. Or I'm telling._

_SM_

Right. As if. So not happening. He can't just keep using the same threats on me. It's not going to work _twice. _How daft does he think I am? How dare he threaten me again? I held up my end of the deal! Oh, that does it. I hate him. I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. How does this sound:

_I find your disregard for my intelligence intolerable, and am informing you that you will most definitely _not _see me there, nor will you tell a living, breathing soul a single thing, because you must uphold the Malfoy code of business interactions by accepting my first form of payment._

_Sincerely,_

_RW_

There. Slightly wordy, compared to his, but I think it will be quite effective all the same. Now I just need to toss it and have it land at least _close _to him, he is rather far away, and my aim is not exactly… Oh, whatever. It can't be that hard.

Okay, I threw it. Except… Okay it landed sorta close to him, closer than I expected actually, which is great, but it _kind of _hit Larry Bones in the eye, and he just yelped, and now Professor Quigg is…

Reading it…

Great.

* * *

A/N: Three chapters in less than 48 hours! Are you proud? I am! Thank God it's summer and I have nothing better to do, because I can't believe how fun and addicting it is to post a chapter fic! And it's thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing, so please keep it up! :)


	6. I Want You So Bad I Can't Breathe

A/N: Thanks again to everyone for their feedback! I'm so happy that people are enjoying this story! Let me know what you think of this chapter, I wrote it in the middle of the night and am not sure if I like it even a little bit :P

_I want you, yeah I want you_

_I want you, yeah I want you bad_

_So bad I can't think straight_

_So bad all my bones shake_

_So bad I can't breathe_

_-I Want You So Bad I Can't Breathe, OK Go_

_

* * *

_

November 30 Cont.

Unbelievable. I have a _detention_. Thanks a lot Professor Quigg. I hardly think passing notes deserves the punishment of a detention. I mean, yes, it was more of a violent, hectic chuck than a simple pass, but all the same.

Her reasoning is completely out of wack. I am just thanking my lucky stars that she did not feel the need to read the note aloud to the class… but what she did was almost worse.

She let them draw their _own _conclusions.

She announced that she would not have students plotting deliberate rule-breaking when they should be concentrating on the lesson that would surely benefit us in each and every way that it is possible for a lesson to be beneficial to a student.

Yeah, thanks.

Clearly she couldn't even be bothered to read my full reply before doling out punishment (using one of the thousand measuring methods she finds so fascinating, no doubt), because if she had, she would have surely seen that I had no interest in deliberate rule-breaking, and had no intention of sneaking around the castle in the middle of the night.

Do I really seem the type to do something like that?

Exactly. I am far too level-headed and responsible for shenanigans like that. And yes, by level-headed and responsible I do mean wimpy. The castle is quite dark at night, believe you me or not. Seriously, it's just so creepy; there are far too many unnatural noises and inanimate objects that you just _know _could come alive at any second and knock you off your feet and sit on your face and suck the life out of you before you even know what happened!

Erm. Right. So, as I was saying… There is no way my crime is fitting of this punishment! Professor Quigg should be sacked! Who wastes time with theoretical potions anyway, I mean _honestly_. And, as if she wasn't already being far too strict and more judgemental than any objective, third-party note skimmer has a right to be, she decides we should serve our detentions _together_.

Since we're so _chummy_. That's what she said. Do I look like I want to be chummy with Malfoy? Do I? I'd like to see how Professor Quigg handles extensive sexual blackmail with someone she finds far more attractive than is appropriate considering her current relationship status and the general heinousness of his character. I hardly think she would find it acceptable to be labeled as chummy with said attractive yet heinous individual.

She wants us to polish all of the telescopes and then wash the floor of the Astronomy Tower. Tonight. Without magic. I suppose she thought she was being rather kind, giving us a detention in the exact place we both 'planned' on going.

Clearly she should have fully read my response and then would have undoubtedly come the conclusion that I would not, in fact, appreciate this, and then I could have been spared another night of being miserable while Malfoy somehow manages to get exactly what he wants, even if it wasn't the way he originally planned.

I suppose my game plan will be as follows:

I will simply not utter a single word to him for the entirety of our detention. After all, it's not like there are hundreds of telescopes, it's not like the astronomy tower is _huge _or anything, it's not like this will take all bloody night…

I don't think I'm fooling anyone here. This may well be the longest night of my young adult life.

On the bright side, it would make Malfoy absolutely bonkers to be ignored for longer than a few seconds at a time. His need for attention is somewhat sad at times; I believe it comes from being an only child. And not having a thousand and one cousins always running around stealing your spotlight. His parents would have had nothing to occupy their attentions except him, which has caused him to grow up into a spoiled, needy brat.

Not that I've given this much thought, or anything. This kind of stuff just comes to me when I am doing some aimless pondering about the meaning of life in my spare time.

But back to the topic at hand… There is absolutely no way for me to run into trouble with Malfoy if I keep my mouth firmly shut. I am hereby limiting myself: I will not partake in any activities that will require me to open my trap, from speaking, to whistling, to gaping, to spitting, to snogging.

Then nothing could possibly go wrong.

* * *

November 31

I suppose you should all have figured this out by now, and me re-iterating it should not come as a general shock, but I… should most definitely be in Slytherin. It is logical for me to be in my house of Ravenclaw, given that I possess extensive natural magic ability and boundless intelligence, but I think the sorting hat made a slight error in over-looking my inherent selfishness, shallowness, and deviousness.

Those are all qualities more than befitting of someone in Slytherin house, are they not?

You must be wondering about all of the fascinating things that must have happened during my detention, and how Malfoy coped with being ignored by someone as delightful as me for hours on end.

It was, in fact, the longest night of my young adult life.

I did manage to keep my mouth shut. Now, while this was my goal all along, it certainly didn't help alleviate the boredom that comes with _cleaning, _in the _dark_, for hours. However, I did manage to stay out of trouble. Mostly.

That is to say, I didn't technically do anything wrong. None of my actions were inappropriate; I kept my hands to myself, and my mouth away from his.

But I'm _fairly _certain that doing the above-mentioned things should not have felt like torture. When Malfoy was pouting over having his riveting comment, "Fancy seeing you here", ignored, I _should not _have been thinking of how delicious his lips look when they are in said pouty position.

When, after nearly an hour of us both simultaneously ignoring each other, he casually demanded,

"Weasley. Come polish my telescope."

My mind should have been on cleaning. And polishing. And innocent telescopes. God, my mind has been so corrupted by him, that any and all comments seem to double as a sexual innuendo!

I assure you that my mind was not always so vulgar. Had an immature boy asked me, several weeks ago, to polish their telescope, I would have retorted that they polish it themselves. And then not understood their barking laughter at my response.

Oh, how my poor, virginal mind has been tainted.

I regret to say that this was not even worst part of the evening. The first two of the three hour detention, as slowly as they passed, seemed to go by at the speed of light compared to the last one. I suppose Malfoy decided that, even if he was going to be verbally ignored, he would not stand for me having no acknowledgement for his presence whatsoever.

It's the only child syndrome, I'm telling you.

So he spent all that was left of our prison sentence, which would have been much less had he actually cleaned a _single thing_, as close to me as possible. It was unnerving, and you would have had trouble concentrating as well, I promise you that.

And of course he wasn't actually _helping _me clean, 'he's a Malfoy, after all, not a bloody house elf', he was just _there,_ all around me, his hands brushing my waist and my shoulder and his breath on my neck and my cheek. I could feel the heat radiating off of him, and one time I only remembered to breathe when dancing spots started to impair my vision.

Not to mention that my heart was hammering like a drum the entire time; by far the noisiest thing in the completely silent Astronomy Tower.

And again, I didn't tell him to stop. I figured it would only make him more satisfied, to let him know how deeply he was getting to me, how uncomfortable him just _hovering _there was making me. Not to mention, I had taken a vow of silence and planned to honour it. But now I'm thinking it was rather disrespectful to Lorcan, and to our relationship, to allow this other young man to instill such feelings in me and just let it go on and on for the longest hour in the history of Hogwarts.

Yet it still didn't feel long enough.

In first year, after earning my first detention from Professor McGonagall for, of all things, disturbance in the hallways (I had been yelling at James for setting off a dungbomb in my dormitory. And no, he did _not _receive a detention for it) she told me I should learn something from it.

And I did. I learned not to mess with James, I learned he was going to pull pranks no matter how upset they made me, I learned that no teacher was immune to favouritism, I learned that sorting ripe from rotten beatle eyes is putrid and horrifying and possibly worse than death itself.

I have learned something from every detention I have ever been given, and this one was no exception.

I learned that, despite all of my denials, despite all of my wishes for the contrary, I _want _Scorpius Malfoy.

And it's scary.

-Rose Weasley. The Girl Who Has Always Learned More Than Is Good For Her.

* * *

A/N: Not gonna lie, I would polish Malfoy's telescope.

Review if you would too :)


	7. Forever and Almost Always

A/N: Thanks again for the interest in my story! I hope you like this chapter too. Shout out to Ulysses and my boy Tennyson.

_In an ordinary fairy tale land _

_There's a promise of a perfect happy end _

_And I imagine having just short of that _

_Is better than nothing_

_-Forever and Almost Always, Kate Voegele

* * *

_

December 1

It's a new month. A new, fresh start. The perfect time for me to let go of all my emotional November baggage and get my life back on track. Now, I am aware that I have said this before, perhaps multiple times, and things have remained the same.

What with me still being an emotional mess who is shutting out her boyfriend and who dropped her teacup when Malfoy sauntered into the Great Hall for Breakfast this morning.

God, I am the most awkward person alive.

But enough of that. As of right now, it didn't happen. I may as well have obliviated myself. In fact, what did you say happened at breakfast? I dropped something? Then why do I have no memory of it? Clearly it didn't happen.

Wow, I quite like this.

Wouldn't it be lovely if you could have a completely selective memory and have all of the humiliating things you've done just melt away? Because, of course, it's the bad memories that linger the longest. Maybe I should invent something that does that, like a Remembrall, except backwards. When a tragic event occurs that you would rather not have infesting your memory, my Forgetbrall will dispose of it for you!

I'm gonna be so rich.

Although Mum is always telling me, "Rosie, I am a part of all that I have met." Which is some quote by a dead muggle bloke.

So maybe she wouldn't entirely approve of my brilliant scheme to erase the majority of 'all that I have met'.

I'll have to exist under an alias. I'll be Rowinda Weaselinda, Forgetbrall inventor extraordinaire. It feels quite nice to have my life all planned out like this, let me tell ya.

Now I just have to decide if I should Forgetbrallify my memory of Malfoy… or of Lorcan.

Okay that was a stupid comment. Of course I should forget about Malfoy. He is immature, and obnoxious, and arrogant, and doesn't give a flying feather what happens to me anyway. While Lorcan, while he isn't perfect, (and why should he have to be, anyway? _I'm _certainly not) at least has a caring, generous heart and a gentle soul.

And he is not prone to jumping on everything with girl bits, like Malfoy certainly is. I don't understand how girls can be in relationships constantly wondering and worrying whether or not the other person is faithful.

And there I go, being a hypocrite again. I certainly haven't been faithful to Lorcan, and yet he is as blissfully ignorant as ever. We have hardly even spoken in the week that's gone by since I made a mess of everything. And how did I jump to talking about relationships anyway?

I _don't _want a relationship with Malfoy. I don't think. Although I used to be the kind of girl who believed that snogging should be reserved for two people who cared for one another and wanted to show that affection.

Now look at me!

Maybe I am just growing up, discovering my more womanly side, exploring my sexuality. Except it feels more like growing down; like I used to have everything figured out, and I was so sure of who I was and what I wanted, and now everything is just… fuzzy.

My cousin Roxanne once told me that you can either be with someone who is lucky to have you, or someone you are lucky to have. You can't have both. I always used to think the latter one was better, to not feel like you're settling, to feel blessed everyday.

Now I'm not sure.

I feel lucky to have Lorcan, as flawed as he is; I feel like I don't deserve him and that he could find someone else who is just as golden to the core as he is. But I don't think he feels lucky to have me, I don't think he feels that he couldn't do better if he tried and actually had the incentive to go out and find another girl. It might cut into his study schedule, after all.

Is it really so terrible of me to want a boyfriend who feels like I am worth something? One who wonders, every once in a while, what _I _see in _him_?

I don't think that's such a bad thing to want, really.

And I've always been a dreamer anyway, so why stop now? Maybe you can find someone that you're lucky to be with who feels the same way. Love should be about balance, shouldn't it? Besides, what does Roxanne know? She's twenty-three and still has probably only ever snogged her pet fish.

* * *

I went and asked Lily her opinion.

I should really stop doing that. She stared at me like I was insane, and demanded to know why I was being so 'philosophical'. She said the only way I am ever going to find an ounce of happiness in this life is if I stop thinking so 'goddamn much'.

Actually, maybe there is something to that. I mean, Lily seems quite content with her life and situation, and Merlin knows she doesn't think of anything _ever. _

But it's just not in my nature! I'm the daughter of Hermione Granger; I was destined to be an over-thinker before I was even conceived! I can't simply go against all the forces of nature and change everything about who I am!

Besides, I love Lily so much _because _we are so different. Who knows what will happen to us if we _both _become airheads! Someone has to do the thinking around here. And I happen to do it for the both of us, because I can't rely on her logic 99% of the time.

Although, she does completely share my opinion of Roxanne and her non-existent romantic experience. She should not have been putting such pessimistic ideas into my brain when I was at the delicate age of twelve. It clearly scarred me.

-Rose Weasley. The Girl Who Can't Figure Out Whether or Not She Is Lucky.

* * *

A/N: So, again, I added in a nice story that did, in fact, happen to me. I may have dropped my tea when someone I had recently kissed walked into the room. So smooth, I know.

And I'm sorry, but I can't remember where I heard the bit about being with someone who is lucky to have you or being lucky to have someone. If I got it from another story, I did not mean to steal! Either way, that little gem was not of my own creation.

This chapter was pretty heavily influenced by me currently being crazy about a guy who is immature, and obnoxious, and arrogant, and who doesn't give a flying feather about me.

Review if that's ever happened to you.

Or, you know, even if it hasn't. :)


	8. Who Needs Love?

A/N: So for everyone who is hating on Lorcan, here's a little more ammunition for you. And long live the Weird Sisters.

_Oh darling, who needs joy?_

_Who needs a perfect girl or boy?_

_And who needs to draw that person near?_

_Not I_

_Because they always disappear_

_Not I_

_And you know, I'm tired of love_

_Yeah, I'm sick of love_

_-Who Needs Love? Razorlight_

_

* * *

_

December 3

I feel like I've been confunded. Or bludgered in the face at least 15 times. Or maybe run over by the Hogwarts Express. Basically, on the shock level of 1 to 10, I would have to be at about an 87 right now.

Of all the things I could have imagined happening with Lorcan, of all the ways our relationship could have ended, I never _once _saw it happening this way.

I figured we would come to a mutual understanding at some point in the far future, maybe realize our careers were taking us to different places, maybe decide that we were in separate emotional stages, maybe realize we were growing apart, maybe him learning I've been cheating…

I don't know. There were lots of ways it could have happened I suppose. But like I said, I pictured all of these events occurring far, far in the future. Like, after we had graduated future. And I always imagined it would be a rather mutual affair. Unless, I'm embarrassed to say, I imagined that I would be the one to end things.

Especially lately, what with my fraternizing with another gentleman and all that.

Perhaps that was arrogant of me. I mean, I have always felt that he _could _find someone better than myself, but I never actually felt that he _would. _ If you had told me, yesterday, that Lorcan would have suddenly found someone new who he had fallen 'head over heels' for, and therefore dropped me with hardly a second thought, I wouldn't have given it much thought.

Even if you _had _taken Divination.

I suppose it shouldn't really be hitting me this hard. It shouldn't be such a shock I mean; lately I've been a perfect example of how to be a terrible girlfriend. Apparently in the five times I had blown off our study sessions in the library he had been 'becoming closely acquainted' with Lucy Varnechuk. A fifth-year Ravenclaw. And yes, her name really is Varnechuk. I've never heard of a name that sounded more like upchuck in all my life! And she's barely fifteen! I'm sure her maturity knows no bounds.

He declared that 'they had just _connected_, the had _so much_ in common, and they had such _passion' _(um, excuse me, I am as studious as the next girl who is top of her class, but how do you find passion whilst studying? A game of footsie under a table in the Library? I mean, _come on_).

They first 'connected' the night of the Ravenclaw victory party. The night of my first tryst with a certain blonde-haired enemy. The night where it was Lorcan's very absence that had upset me to the point of drowning my sorrows in whiskey and finding solace in the arms of another.

Apparently 'when you're the only two students in the whole of Hogwarts who do not feel the need to _get rowdy_ because of a stupid game, developing a deep connection is inevitable'. Those were the exact words that he used.

What did I ever see in this guy?

He said that he had been unintentionally distancing himself from me as he became more and more attached to Lucy. The Upchuck. He felt that it was his moral duty to follow his heart and let his emotions draw him onto his destined life path. Again, who_ talks_ like that?

If anything, I suppose my guilt has lessened slightly. _Slightly._ I mean, it's not like I was the one running around with true feelings for someone else. Although, it has not escaped my attention that _he _was the one with the courage to say something, the one who took control and confessed his feelings, the one who walked away.

Except that he had someone to walk away with.

And I _know _that cheating is cheating, and what I did was completely deplorable no matter what Lorcan was doing, but still. He was _falling _for someone! Don't tell me that that's not worse than having a case of uncontrollable lust.

Is it?

Merlin, how I wish you would answer my questions, instead of just sitting there all blank and boring and silent and _unhelpful_. And I know that Aunt Ginny once had a talking diary that was all possessed and evil and manipulated her and stuff, but I'm sure there are some nice ones around.

You know, ones that are just friendly and can give you much-needed life advice.

Maybe I'll owl Aunt Ginny. She tends to give reliable advice, unlike her daughter, and there is _no way _I can go to my Mum about something like this. She absolutely adores Lorcan, and has always been so supportive of our relationship; so proud that I had found a bloke who was 'studious and responsible and polite and just so _thoughtful'. _She literally _gushed _over him; it was slightly nauseating.

Though I'm sure Dad will be just thrilled that I am no longer 'ensnared in that boy's clutches'. Yeah, Dad was never overly fond of him. Actually, I suppose that's not true. He liked Lorcan well enough until he started liking _me _well enough, and then it was all downhill from there.

Though it's slightly humiliating that he (he being Lorcan, not my Father) thinks he has more passion with a girl he's barely played footsie with. Maybe that's the key to getting his attention; all I had to do was rub my foot up and down his leg. Which I probably wouldn't have done anyway, because I've always found it a bit weird.

But what do I do now?

I've just been chucked by my first ever boyfriend, the first (well, technically _second_, but I hardly count the first one because it was against my will and completely gross) boy I ever kissed, the first boy who ever loved me. Or said he loved me, anyway.

But wow, this feeling is completely horrid. I think I feel worse now than I did the morning after the party. Which is saying something. No wonder the Weird Sisters wrote so many nasty break-up songs. And yes, I do listen to the Weird Sisters. They're classic, okay? I'm old school. But only their early stuff, they were never the same once they lost Gertrude in that horrible exploding snap accident.

Maybe I should go out and enjoy the single life! The way Gertrude would have done! I'm sure that, after having her pride and dignity utterly destroyed, she would have done something like don a pair of leather pants and go out for a night on the town!

I need to put Lorcan behind me. He emotionally cheated (and probably literally cheated as well, I mean, he said they didn't do anything, out of _respect _for me, but what are the chances that _that's _actually true?) and I am willing to admit that our relationship was always a little too much smoke and mirrors for my taste.

It was like, we were Rose and Lorcan, the children of war heroes, the two most brilliant students in our year, the only two students who enjoyed making organizational calendars more than tossing innocent first years into the lake, no _wonder _we were together! As if we were together more because so many people believed that we _should _be than because we actually wanted to be.

And though I may be a complete drama queen 97% of the time, I do believe that there is a silver lining to any and all situations. Just because you can't see the sun, doesn't mean it's not in the sky. So, I am going to do my very best to forget about Lorcan and what a putz he turned out to be. Or maybe was all along.

I am a single woman now; I can do as I please. I have no man to tie me down, no strings attached!

Now _this _is where Lily really comes in handy. It's time for me to make the most of my newfound freedom.

-Rose Weasley. The Girl Who Just Got Tossed For Someone Named Upchuck.

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A/N: Glad to get that out of the away. I couldn't take much more of Lorcan.

What do you think Rose should do with her newfound freedom? It's time to let loose!

Please review and tell me what you thought :)


	9. I'd Lie

A/N: This is so not how I planned this chapter to go, but every time I tried to change it it kept ending up like this! Sorry if it's not what you were expecting.. it's not what _I _was expecting, anyway. But since no romance is complete without a little TaySwift, here we go.

_I could tell you his favorite colour's green _

_He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth _

_His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes _

_And if you ask me if I love him_

_I'd lie_

_-I'd Lie, Taylor Swift_

_

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_

December 4

I don't know how rockstars do it. Being a free spirit is _exhausting. _ I got about 5 minutes of sleep last night, because I was all gungho to party it up with Lily. On a Thursday. I was shocked to discover that students actually do this on a regular basis; parties are not, as I had naively believed for my entire Hogwarts career, reserved for Quidditch victories, or, at the very least, weekends.

So I made my way to the dungeons with her last night, where 'all of the _hottest _parties happen, how could I _not _know this' (thanks Lily), more prepared than ever to really let my hair down and just relax and stop _thinking. _ Which is not… exactly… what happened. At all.

I'm hopeless.

It's not my fault that I have an incurable fear of getting in trouble; a detention here and there is one thing, but when there is a possibility of expulsion, my imagination tends to take over. It runs rampant, creating a thousand and one scenarios that would end in me getting caught drinking Firewhiskey by McGonagall and being kicked out of school and disowned by my parents and left to die in a sewer in the middle of muggle London.

Which, thankfully, has not happened. Yet.

I had only ever been to Quidditch victory parties before, which I was well aware that the Staff knew about, and were letting slide because it was a 'special, celebratory occasion'. I'm not entirely sure that the Staff know that the majority of Slytherin house breaks the law at least once a week by sneaking illegal substances into the dungeons and consuming them at an alarmingly fast rate.

Lily insisted that we were completely safe, there were numerous silencing charms placed on the room, and anyway, there were so many people there that there was _no way _we could all get in trouble. But, still.

It's a lot harder to emulate Gertrude when you are terrified and sober at a party, and trying to protect your cousin/best friend from the claws of intoxicated males, and frankly, from herself. _Lily _sure knows how to let loose. She and some Slytherin bloke who is a 'rival' of hers made a bet on who could snog the most members of the opposite sex before the night was done.

Fairly stupid bet for the bloke to make, seeing as how there were probably 3 times more males in attendance than females, but hey. Some people simply can't resist a challenge. Though I could have done without seeing Lily with her tongue down everyone in Slytherin's throat. She better have won, after all of that. We were there until an _ungodly _hour, I simply don't understand how these students find it physically possible to stay awake all night snogging everything that moves and _then _go to classes the next day. It's been torture, I swear, and I didn't even _do _any snogging.

I could have done without seeing her tongue down _Malfoy's _throat. Though I suppose I shouldn't have been watching him so closely in the first place; if my eyes hadn't been glued to him all _damn _night, I might have missed it. But the way his eyes met mine right before… it _happened… _I felt slightly nauseous. Thank Merlin I hadn't had any Firewhiskey, or I might really have emptied all of my dinner onto the floor right then and there.

Which, you know, ew.

I guess this is my karma for lying. God, I am telling this story so backwards, I'm sorry if you're bewildered and frustrated and basically just all out _confused_. I am. Anyway, I'll try to get back on track. On the way to the party, Lily, to put it simply, interrogated me. About my feelings. For Malfoy. And I expressly told her, in the most convincing fashion physically possible for a terrible liar like myself, that I had no feelings for him whatsoever except for those of intense disgust and hate.

Which is why I keep snogging him, obviously.

I _know _Lily wouldn't have snogged him if I'd told her the truth. Even though I'm not entirely sure what that is, or what I really _do _feel for Malfoy. I know I feel _something. _Because if I didn't, I wouldn't have desperately wanted to blast my best friend's head off while she was snogging him. That was not a normal reaction.

In fact, there was nothing normal about last night at all. The whole thing was completely wonky and it seemed like I was watching myself from the other side of the room through a funhouse mirror or something. Watching myself desperately try to be something I'm not.

At least I've discovered the problem. They say that's the first step to recovery.

I'm not a _doer. _ I'm a thinker, and a talker, and then a 'think some more'-er. If that makes any sense whatsoever. But all of this running around inside my own head is so exhausting! My brain must be so fit. I bet Lily's is an overweight couch-potato. Okay, that was cruel and I didn't mean it. I can't help it if I have some residual negative feelings towards her; she did just snog the daylights out of the bloke I expressly told her, not half an hour earlier, that I passionately despised. Even though I don't, not really.

Which she should have _known, _even if I told her otherwise! I'm a rotten liar, I stutter and I blush and I completely overdo it… you know, 'the lady doth protest too much' and all that. But she couldn't have known, she wouldn't do that to me.

Would she?

I officially don't like letting loose. I think, from now on, I will stay in the Library where I'm safe from any and all emotional anguish that comes with partying! Parties have done nothing but make me miserable! And I was _miserable _last night, I'll tell you that. You know when you have those days when everything just seems to go completely, _completely _wrong and things that would normally make you smile just make you more irritated?

It was one of those. Who knew getting chucked by my boyfriend would be the best part of my day?

I don't know what I expected from Malfoy, now that I am a single woman and everything. I guess I shouldn't have expected anything; I know how he is. But still, there was that little part of me that was waiting, all night, for him to approach me, say something, maybe just take me right there next to the punch bowl, _anything. _

How could he have gone from basically stalking me like I was his prey to utterly ignoring me? The one time I did catch him looking my way he was _glaring _at me, and I think it was a real glare. I tend to over-react, every once in a while, and think that people are giving me dirty looks when, in fact, they are not, but I honestly could feel the anger when he looked at me.

What did I do though?

Perhaps I did something completely horrid to him and then he obliviated me. Or someone stole my Forgetbrall idea and used that on me while I was sleeping so that's why I don't remember doing anything worthy of a glare of that magnitude.

Or, there is always the chance that he was simply glaring at the wall behind me and I have completely misinterpreted the entire situation. That happens slightly more often than I would like to admit.

-Rose Weasley. The Perhaps Obliviated Liar.

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A/N: Hmm I don't know where all of the hot single action went. I hope you all still liked it!

Also, there seems to be a whole lot of favouriting and not a whole lot of reviewing... And don't get me wrong, I am so ecstatic that people are reading my story and actually liking it, but I would be even more ecstatic if you could tell me why, or how to make it better. :D

Review if you've ever lied about a crush. :)


	10. Hands Open

A/N: Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter! Feel free to review this one too ;)

_It's hard to argue when_

_You won't stop making sense_

_But my tongue still misbehaves and it_

_Keeps digging my own grave_

_-Hands Open, Snow Patrol_

_

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December 5

I'll never tell a lie again as long as I live. I vow, from now on, that I will be honest to everyone around me when they ask for my valuable opinion. I mean, what use am I to the population of Hogwarts, when, upon being asked for advice, I constantly spew nonsense that A: I think is what they want to hear, or, B: Holds the lowest possibility of embarrassment for me.

From now on, if Lily comes to me in tears because some guy named Billy Cleaver did not want to snog her, like she did three weeks ago, I will not stroke her hair and rub her back and comfort her. I will tell her she is being a slag; she didn't even _want_ to snog Billy Cleaver until someone told her he wasn't interested.

If that's not _asking _for rejection, I don't know what is!

Perhaps if I had told her how foolish and immature she was behaving, the incident would not be in danger of repeating itself. Because, at this rate, something very similar is bound to happen soon and I will be kicking myself for trying to make her happy when I could have been trying to make her a better person!

From now on, if Al is worrying aloud about the state of his hair at the Breakfast table, I will honestly assure him that he looks ridiculous. This way, he will have a chance of fixing it rather than being oblivious to its terrible state of disarray. And though people say ignorance is bliss, wouldn't you like someone to kindly let you know when you look a fool?

Most importantly, I will never again lie about my feelings. Except maybe to my parents, but come on, they're the exception. If someone, such as perhaps my best friend Lily, begins to spontaneously interrogate me about my feelings for a blond headed Slytherin nemesis, I will not blatantly, vibrantly, and loudly, stress how much I despise this individual.

Not when I am in the middle of a corridor in the castle where anyone can hear me. Such as the individual in question.

I know that I would surely be upset if I heard a member of the opposite sex declaring 'I would rather be married to Filch's corpse for eternity than spend five minutes in the presence of someone as deplorable as [said individual]. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about them, and if they were to die in a house elf homicide tomorrow it would not bother me in the slightest' about me.

Which is, more or less, how I described my feelings for Malfoy to Lily. Again, in the corridor. Apparently sound travels much more efficiently than I had ever considered before.

And he, it would seem, heard every word. I assume. As he re-iterated them all to me, with near perfection, when I was innocently studying Ancient Runes under the beech tree. It's actually sunny today, if you would believe it. Chilly, but still. There aren't many sunny December days! The best part of being a single woman is the freedom it provides me to choose my own studying locale. I like the Library as much as anyone, but sometimes it's nice to have some flexibility, change things up a bit, study outside in the fresh air. Lorcan was never much for fresh air. There was just no negotiating the Library with him.

Anyway. That's not important right now.

He came and sat beside me, to my intense surprise and discomfort. Unfortunately, the first thing that came to my mind was how incredibly unfair it was that he looked like he could be gracing the cover of WonderWitch (Lily's favourite trash mag), with his dragonhide gloves, his pristine scarf, and his hair falling into his eyes in that stupid, perfect way that I sincerely hope takes him hours to achieve, while I was looking to all the world like the most red-faced snowman (or woman) Hogwarts had ever seen.

I take small comfort in the fact that he must have been freezing. Sacrifices have to made in order to look that sharp, and he was clearly missing many necessary layers. Just because it was sunny does _not _mean it was warm. I had five on. He couldn't have had more than two. I hope he has hypothermia. But, as I was saying, he invited himself to share my tree. Quite presumptuously, I might add. He started studying beside me, in silence, but completely obliterating my concentration all the same. I couldn't focus on _notes _when he was just _sitting _there, so close to me, and all I could think about was him snogging my cousin.

He noticed my discomfort, but I think he misinterpreted it entirely.

He stood up and sniped, in a rather passive aggressive way, I might add, that, 'it must be difficult for me to share my precious space with someone who [insert all of my nasty comments from the night before here]'. That would have been the time for me to say something, _anything, _but I just gaped at him, and I think my heart stopped for a full thirty seconds. Which is probably why I couldn't form a sentence; my body and mind were pre-occupied with not dying.

And then it got worse. He just stated, as if he were commenting on the weather, that 'Lily was a better snog anyway'. And strode away. And he didn't look back, _of course _he didn't look back, nobody ever does when they are striding away to hammer home a point. But I still wish that he had. And I wish that, even after he shattered our relationship, my heart, and my self-esteem in one fell swoop, which is a lot of multi-tasking on his part, I could have torn my eyes away from his backside as he stalked off, leaving me behind.

_Why _does he have to be so _bloody _attractive?

This whole mess is my entire fault. If I hadn't ever gotten plastered at that fated party, I would never have snogged Malfoy and therefore never would have had these inappropriate feelings for him. Lorcan and I would never have grown apart, and I wouldn't have had to lie to Lily about my feelings for Malfoy or even go to that blasted Dungeon party in the first place.

And then everything would still be the way it was supposed to be. Although, I would still have to study in the Library without fail every single day as per Lorcan's demands. Though that seems a small price to pay.

But I can't go back, I can't change things now. I just need to learn from this experience! Learn from my mistakes. So, in honour of that, I am going to, from this moment on, be truthful to everyone no matter what the consequences may be. Starting with Lily. I am going to find her and tell her that I really do have feelings for Malfoy, and that she should never have snogged him, bet or not. And that she should stop being such a slag else she gets a reputation that she does not want, which may grow to such proportions that her own parents may become aware of her indiscretions and pull her out of school.

Wish me luck. She can get dangerous.

-Rose Weasley. The Girl who Desperately Needs a Time Turner.

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A/N: Do you think she'll be able to keep her promise?

Review if you've ever wished you had a time turner :)

Or if you can spot the Robbie Burns reference.


	11. Someday You Will be Loved

A/N: This chapter is also known as the attack of the semi-colon. They're everywhere; I apologize. As always, thanks for the reviews, and I hope you keep them coming because they all completely make my day. :D

Piece of advice: Life is short. Eat dessert first.

_You may feel alone when you're falling asleep_

_And every time tears roll down your cheeks_

_But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet_

_Someday you will be loved_

_-Someday You Will be Loved, Death Cab for Cutie_

December 6

I'm going to _murder _Lily. I don't even care if it means going to Azkaban for the entirety of my life; that girl needs to be cursed. As soon as possible. We are officially in a fight. Which, I suppose, is partially my fault, as I was the one who decided brutal honesty would be the correct path to take.

It wasn't.

When I first approached her, in her dorm, and shared that I am worried that I am falling for Scorpius Malfoy and therefore she should not, under any circumstances, have snogged him, I was once again astounded by her reaction. The girl does not cease to amaze me… Though it tends to not be in a positive fashion.

First of all she _laughed _at me (quite condescendingly) and stated that '_obviously _she knew I had feelings for him, a blind fool could see that' (Wow, thanks) and that she 'couldn't _believe _it took her actually snogging him for me to finally admit it.' I refuse to believe that she orchestrated that entire bet and snogged all of Slytherin house just to get me to admit my feelings.

That's a bit extreme.

Not to mention… Clever. Which is not a term generally associated with Lily Luna Potter. I would be admiring her devious planning right now if it didn't mean that she snogged Malfoy knowing full well how upset it would make me, how it would make me literally sick to my stomach to watch. Just so I would tell her 'the truth'? Who does stuff like that? What does it even _matter _to her if I admitted it or not, considering she already knew?

Things just continued to go downhill after that. I was furious, and I felt like she had betrayed our friendship. So when I followed through with my plan to tell her my perhaps harsh but entirely accurate opinion of her, I did not hold back. In the slightest. I screeched and yelled and called her all sorts of nasty names (about half of which are completely correct, and the others… well… it seemed, at the time, that she deserved them, but now I think they may have been a bit more cruel than necessary).

She became hysterical; If I wasn't a much more proficient witch than her I would have feared for my life. But I do feel just awful about how much I hurt her, in spite of everything she did to me. She's family. And I _know _her; I know she doesn't think about the consequences her actions are going to have. She just _does _things. And then, if those things do cause a grievance, she tends to make the people in question feel guilty for being angry in the first place. It's not like she didn't have 'good intentions' after all.

According to her. I don't want to let her make me feel guilty. I have a right to be exacerbated; she totaled my heart for some self-righteous reason that hardly even makes sense to me. I'm _done _with her.

But I was hurt. I still am. I'm hurt, and upset, and I'm just thankful that I have _finally _stopped crying, because it gives me an awful headache. My body literally protests against the tears. I shouldn't be crying over this anyway; it's stupid, Lily is an irritating slag, and Malfoy… would rather snog her. So what do I need any of them for?

I have plenty of other cousins. Most of whom are much more sensitive and thoughtful than dearest Lily. Though I probably won't tell Al the truth about his hair after this; after all, I can't afford to lose him too. Him and Lily may gang up on me if I hurt his feelings. And I _never _needed Malfoy. There are so many other blokes in this school it's daunting. There is probably a nice, sweet Hufflepuff boy who I haven't met yet who is _the one _for me.

I can feel it. Malfoy is wrong for me. That's why I fell for him in the first place; my heart always wants things that are bad for it. It's like a dessert addict; it _knows _that all the sugars and fats are just going to cause destruction, but it can't resist.

Who wants vegetables when there's cake available anyway? I certainly don't.

Just because my heart _needs _a vegetable, doesn't mean it wants one. Though I think I could find a more attractive metaphor, because I don't feel very motivated to run out and find a vegetable lover. Can you blame me? It's not very appealing. I just need to convince myself that that's what I want; I don't want the dark chocolate fudge caramel tart with strawberry drizzle that is Scorpius Malfoy, I want the parsnip that is the yet unknown Hufflepuff boy.

Or should I say Hufflepuff Hunk?

That's a bit better. I'm sure there are some hunks in Huffepuff _somewhere. _Though maybe not in my year. I may have to prey on a younger man. If Lorcan can find passion with a fifth year, I'm sure I can too. But the thought does make me somewhat uncomfortable. Blokes have barely hit puberty at fifteen.

Merlin, I hate my life. I'm going to go find a new best friend.

* * *

Oh, this is so hopeless. I'm so terribly awkward around new people; it's a battle for me just to make an _acquaintance, _let alone a true friend. I suppose that's the reason that all of my friends are family members who have been forced to get to know me due to various Weasley/Potter gatherings.

I thought perhaps the Library would be an efficient way to meet someone new, broaden my social horizons a tad. So I headed there right after Lunch, and sat down next to some girl who I had never seen before in my life. Though she had a friendly enough face. I tried to make polite conversation, get to know her a bit, maybe discover what we had in common.

So I asked her what she was reading… And she cruelly sniffed that it was 'none of my business' and that 'I wouldn't be interested in literary works of this magnitude anyway'. She then kindly (or, to be honest, not so kindly) demanded I leave her alone so she could continue to immerse herself in knowledge.

How rude. She should really have known that I am interested in all literary works of all magnitudes. Does she not know who I am?

Oh dear. Now I'm becoming an ego-maniac on top of all of my other social issues.

I can't just meet people on my own. Even the girls in my dorm, though we have lived in close proximity for the past 6 years, are not counted as friends. Not that I would _want _them to be; all of my dreams of being in a house full of studious bookworms like myself, that seemed like it may come true once I was sorted into Ravenclaw, was dashed the second I met my dorm mates.

If I ever meet more vain, shallow, dimwitted girls in my life I may die of shock. I cannot comprehend how _anyone _can talk, every second of every day, about themselves, and not get sick of their own voices. _I'm _certainly sick of their voices. And thus is the reason that I have never bothered to try and gain their friendship; though, it would come in handy while dealing with my current situation of utter friendlessness and need for revenge.

Apparently they are _excellent _backstabbers. The best in the business, some say. I could use their expertise in all things evil and manipulative, for when I get my revenge on Lily. She deserves it, for playing such a large role in the unmitigated annihilation of my heart. Though I know I will most likely not do anything at all to make Lily 'pay'.

I can't handle seeing her more upset. I'm too soft to be an able avenger.

-Rose Weasley. The Girl Who is Far Too Alone to be This Picky About Friends.

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A/N: Sorry there was no Scor/Rose interaction! I will have to work double time next chapter to make up for it ;)

This is giving me flashbacks of English Literature 12, studying Hamlet, with that man of action vs. man of inaction business. I hope Rose isn't hated by the end of this story, like Hamlet was, by, well, me.

Shoutout to LivingForWriting for predicting the tears… how could there not be crying?

Review if you've ever wanted someone who was all wrong for you. :)


	12. Bowl of Oranges

A/N: I have nothing witty to say here. But I want to put an A/N anyway… So yeah. Happy reading, and thanks for reviewing. :)

_So that is how I learned the lesson_

_That everyone is alone_

_And your eyes must do some raining_

_If you are ever going to grow_

_-Bowl of Oranges, Bright Eyes

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December 8

I don't understand gossip. Well, I should say, I understand the technicalities of it, such as its literal definition:_ idle talk or rumor, esp. about the personal or private affairs of others._ Simple enough.

But why do we do it?

And yes, I said we. I gossip like everyone else. I just can't figure out why, why we all find the private business of others so riveting. Are our own lives really so dull that we need to live vicariously through the trials and tribulations of our peers?

Don't answer that. Of course they are.

Though how _anyone _could find my life worthy of being 'hot gossip' is beyond me. I mean hardly anything exciting _ever_ happens to me. Let's take a look, shall we? In the past 2 weeks all that's happened is my drunkenly dancing on a table, and cheating, and being dumped, and losing my best friend…

Okay, I suppose other Hogwartians may find themselves wishing their lives were as full to the brim of excitement and emotional turmoil as mine is. If they knew about all of these events. Which, er, they don't. They only know of the 3 least exciting of the 4. That is, everything but the cheating. Which I think would be the only thing worthy of gossip anyway. Everyone dances on tables at some point, it's hardly front page news.

Merlin knows why the populace of Hogwarts feels the need to discuss my brutal fight with my ex-best friend. It's not _that _interesting. People should really mind their own business; what do they care why Lily and I are fighting? And how could Cory Blyth honestly start a rumor that we were fighting over him?

How ridiculous can one be?

The fact that people believed it was somewhat insulting to the intelligence of the students in this school. Something needs to be done. I would suggest involving the Ministry of Magic; the decline in the intellect of today's youth is simply appalling. Cory Blyth? As if.

Then there's the whisper circulating that we are fighting over Scorpius Malfoy. Merlin knows where_ that_ idea came from. Her snogging him _may _have been what sparked our disagreement, but it is completely ludicrous to suggest that we are fighting _over _him. As if we both were driven mad by our desire for him and have therefore turned against each other.

Who do you think started _that _rumour?

Of course it was the Devil himself. He had the nerve to confront me about it after Potions this morning. Said he wanted to give his sincere condolences (right) that his sheer desirability had driven a family apart. Stay modest, Malfoy. I was quick to assure him that our blow-out had nothing at all to do with his desirability, and everything to do with Lily's moral shortcomings, but he wouldn't believe a word of it.

Wonderful. Because the whole situation with Malfoy wasn't humiliating enough already, what with him destroying all of my snogconfidence by attesting that Lily was 'better'. I've never heard such a disgusting word in my life. Every time I've heard the word _better_ since that incident, I've wanted to hurl. Or burst into tears. Or clobber Lily over the head with a large portrait.

But at least he's attractive, so having word spreading that I'm battling for him _is _sort of cool, like I am the heroine in an action/adventure romance who has to kill the evil witch who is trying to manipulate the handsome hero and steal him away from the do-gooder princess (me) with whom he truly belongs! Or, you know, whatever. Let's just pretend I didn't write any of that.

Because frankly… we're not fighting over him at all. _Are _we? I mean, I know I stormed into her dorm and chewed her out for snogging him and everything, but the real problem in our relationship is her lack of regard for my feelings! Just because, in this case, those feelings happened to be directed towards Scorpius does _not _mean we are fighting over him! He _cannot _be that important to me, I refuse to let it happen.

That's the right thing to do.

Right?

* * *

My head hurts. I don't ever want to cry again. I wonder if there is some sort of spell that can make one immune to tears. Just make my eyeballs all dry. That would be lovely, thanks.

Although, I suppose some good has come of it this time. Lily and I had a long chat; or rather, she chatted and I listened and basically just silently drowned in guilt. It was clear that she felt just w_retched _about our fight. She sought me out to apologize. Which wasn't nearly as satisfying as I had imagined it would be.

She cried, and I cried, and I really think she does feel awful about everything that happened. And so do I; I made sure to let her know that I didn't honestly think she was 'the stupidest and nastiest witch to ever be admitted to Hogwarts' (which is what I called her, rather harshly, in the heat of the argument).

She said that she never should have snogged Malfoy (_obviously_) and she should have just admitted that it was wrong; but the more guilty she feels the more she tries to justify her actions. Just go ahead and imagine a weepy little Lily saying this to you, and then going in for the kill: 'Oh, Rosie, I just miss you so much, and I hope you can forgive me and let me make it up to you; you have full permission to snog a boy _I'm _interested in. I won't be upset, I promise'.

Which, you know, no thanks, but it's the thought that counts. Could _you_ be angry with her after that? Not to mention that she forgave me in a heartbeat for all of the cruel things I called her (such as, clingier than the Giant Squid and slimier than Troll bogeys… Yeah, don't mess with me. I get mean).

And it will be nice to have a friend again. I may talk tough, but it can be slightly lonely to have no one to talk to except for your stupid journal (no offence) who doesn't answer you because he… or is it she? I'll just call you it. Because _it _is most likely silently mocking you and laughing at your pain.

Though I definitely got revenge on 'friendly faced, rude Library girl'. Who, until I learn her name, which I will, will be known as FFRLG. Which suits her perfectly, I find.

As I was saying. I put my epic plan into action when I went to study in the Library (which is apparently her _domain, _her _headquarters of evil) _and saw her sitting there all high and mighty on her throne. Which was really just a normal chair. She shouldn't be so arrogant. So I quickly sat at her table and began to 'read' my dictionary. Which is easily the biggest book anyone in the world has ever seen _ever. _

Except I charmed it to look like some extremely mature novel. That was in Russian. Which most definitely showed _her _that I am an intelligent being. Could _she _read a dictionary-length Russian novel? I think not. That showed her. Though the withering glare she sent my way over her pathetically short looking (not to mention _English… _how uncultured.) _livre _(see, I can speak French, too) was a wee bit terrifying.

Whatever. She has clearly been shown that she is not the only intelligent being in this castle! I feel like laughing evilly. So I'm going to.

Okay, I did. I feel empowered. Do you think Malfoy finds that attractive in a woman? Not that I care, or anything. I just need to know how to _not _act around him. Wouldn't want to do anything to make him think I'm desirable.

That would just be terrible. Heh.

-Rose Weasley. The Girl who Charms Dictionaries Into Russian Novels. Which is Totally Normal.

* * *

A/N: Ooo, the first calling of Scorpius rather than Malfoy! They're practically married now. I couldn't have Rose and Lily stay fighting though, it was just so sad! They're buds!

Review if you've ever been unable to stay angry with someone, no matter how much you wanted to :)

Or if you haven't, because I have set a goal! Which is to get 100 reviews! So get typing and I will owe my eternal happiness to you. Thanks :)


	13. Love the Way you Lie

A/N: WOOO Completed goal of 100 reviews! Thanks so much, I feel so accomplished :) Although, believe it or not, the other night I had a dream that I got a nasty, nasty flame and it traumatized me! So every time I got a new message in my inbox I was nervous! But thanks for keeping them all so sweet :)

What's more romantic than a little Eminem? … Okay, fair enough, lot's of things.

_Now I know we said things, did things_

_That we didn't mean_

_And we fall back into the same patterns_

_Same routine_

_But your temper's just as bad as mine is_

_You're the same as me_

_-Love the Way you Lie, Eminem_

_

* * *

_

December 9

Have you ever said something that you completely didn't mean? And I'm not talking about just a lie. I mean saying something that you really, truly, wished you could take back the second you said it? Why do I do stuff like this? My tongue is determined to see me miserable; it won't stop destroying all my chances of potential romantic bliss.

I am fairly certain that I have just completely blown any chance I ever had with Scorpius Malfoy. This whole mess could have turned out differently if I hadn't been so _petty, _and _so_ passive aggressive and so _goddamn _stupid. I maybe could have actually had him. And I threw him away.

_Why?_

My heart feels so heavy. I know that 'heavy-hearted' is a common expression, and all, but I had never really considered it literally before. I'd wager it weighs more than my Russian dictionary novel. I don't think I can leave my bed; even writing in you is exhausting right now.

And for once I can't even blame anyone else. This one was _entirely _my fault, and I deserve to be miserable for all eternity for my idiocy and my inability to control my mouth.

Do you really wanna know what happened?

I don't quite fancy writing it down. That would require me to relive the whole scenario and keep torturing myself. But what the Hell. I'm sure you're just _so _curious about what I could possibly have done to screw myself over this time. Be patient, my hand is shaking. And I'm crying. _Again. _

Malfoy and I had an argument. Or I argued with him, I suppose would be more accurate. I think it is safe to say that he has forgotten all of the nasty things I said about him to Lily in the corridor (Thank Goodness he is so arrogant, otherwise he never would have recovered so quickly). Due to our 'fighting over him', he has come to the conclusion that the insults did not come from my heart, and that it is clear that I enjoy his company immensely.

I'm actually surprised it took him so long to catch on to that. Ah well, I suppose one can't be beautiful _and _smart. That just wouldn't be fair.

Moving on. He told me he wanted to 'chat'. Though really this chat simply consisted of him smugly lording it over me that, despite everything he had ever done or said to me, I still wanted him. Which unfortunately is entirely accurate, but it was vexing nevertheless. Merlin, you should have seen the look on his face; he was just _bursting _with amusement at my expense.

Except now, looking back… I don't think my humiliation was the only reason he was behaving like a little kid at Christmas. I think he really was _glad _that I have feelings for him. Which… wouldn't that mean he had feelings for me too? Unless he is simply so sadistic and hateful that he was anticipating breaking my heart with intense joy. But he's _not, _I _know _he's not. Sure, he has quite a few personal flaws, but he is not _bad. _ He doesn't enjoy hurting people, he doesn't like seeing them upset.

Don't ask me how I know this; I have no proof whatsoever. I'm not gonna spout some story about how I found him helping someone in need out of the goodness of his heart or whatever, because I never have. It's just a feeling. You know how it's possible to have _feelings_ about people? For whatever reason, you can just _tell _if they're trouble, or you can just feel that you can trust them, even if you have no reason to? It's like that.

I feel like _maybe, _just _maybe, _he was genuinely happy to know that I enjoy his presence to the point where it drives me mad. And before I could even clue in to this, I go ahead and destroy everything_. _

If I had just _thought, _for one _second _before I shouted at him… Isn't it ironic that I spend the majority of my time over thinking and exhausting my poor brain, and then in the few instances where it might actually be useful to operate it, I just throw caution to the wind and become the biggest idiot to grace the halls of Hogwarts?

I snapped when he said the dreaded word. _Better. _Yes, I know this word is fairly common in the English language, and if I continue to lose my head every time it is uttered I will most likely end up in Azkaban before I reach the age of twenty, but whenever I hear it my blood just _boils _and I just go right back to that awful party, that awful _moment, _and bad, bad things happen.

He was gloating about how it was 'perfectly understandable for me to be smitten with him, he was, after all, _much _better-looking than that pansy Lorna (I assume he meant Lorcan)'. And I was reminded of Lily. And how they snogged. And how he enjoyed it more than he enjoyed snogging me and _how _could that be possible when snogging him was the best feeling I had _ever _had? Seriously, better even than hot cocoa on a cold day. And we all know how wonderful that is.

And I went off.

I ranted about how he was _completely _mistaken about my feelings for him, and that the only reason Lily and I were fighting was because I couldn't believe she could possibly want someone like _him_. It was a disgrace, did she not care about what her family would think at _all? _ A Death-Eaters son. A _Malfoy. _

I can't believe I said any of that. It kind of feels like it must have been a dream; there is no way I could really have spat such hostile words at him. _Why _did I say those things? They were so cruel. Worse than anything he's _ever _said to me. At least I have the memory of the look on his face to ground me to reality if I start to think that none of that actually happened.

He was hurt. I know he was. And why wouldn't he be? I attacked him. For no reason. Other than my blinding jealousy of his preference for my cousin. He hurt me and, okay, maybe I wanted to hurt him back – but not this much. I'm fairly certain those were unforgivable words; he's struggled to lose that reputation since the day he set foot in this school. He's always been judged, been prejudiced against because of his family, because of things he had absolutely no control over.

I feel nauseous.

Do you want to know the absolute worst part of all of this? I'm getting the terrible, terrible notion that maybe none of my jealousy was ever necessary. Because for all his taunts that she was a better snog, he _never _initiated anything with her. She's not the one he follows around after class, she's not the one he torments at every possible moment. She's not the one he's been taunting about having feelings for him, or the one he's exhilarated to have fighting over him.

I am.

Or at least, I was. I think I have successfully destroyed any and all connections between us. After the look on his face… I'll be surprised if he ever speaks to me again, and I don't blame him. I have the horrible feeling that this isn't fixable.

But it has to be, right?

If it can be broken, then it can be fixed. I'm just gonna have to take control of the situation; be brave and swallow my pride and _apologize. _And… tell the truth? Because that worked out _so well _last time.

But what have I got to lose, really?

-Rose Weasley. The Girl who is More Evil than Voldemort.

* * *

A/N: Plenty of Scor/Rose interaction! Though not… entirely… positive. But what fun would it be if it was simple and easy?

This story is winding down though, there won't be too many more chapters. Tear. What am I going to do with myself when it's finished?

Review if you've ever said something horrible in the heat of the moment :)


	14. Walking On a Wire

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, I know last chapter was all doom and gloom but hopefully this one is more lighthearted :)

_Never meant to break your back_

_Never meant to start a fire_

_Never meant to hold your head under the water, my love_

_When you get this call me back_

_I will be walking on a wire_

_Hoping you would take me back _

_In spite of everything I've done_

_-Walking On a Wire, My Favorite Highway_

_

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_

December 10

He ignored my blatant attempts to speak with him all day. _I _even threw parchment at _him _all through Potions, and you know how dangerous that is. However, my risk did not pay off. He remained completely frigid and pretended he was oblivious to the balls of parchment constantly bombarding him.

Today was miserable. I don't really know what else to say.

* * *

December 11

Alright, I know that _technically _it has only been 2 days since my completely irrational and inexcusable outburst, and only 2 days since Scorpius has been acting like I don't exist, but it feels like quite a few more. Like, perhaps, a million kajillion years. I _hate _this.

How do I fix it if he won't talk to me?

* * *

December 12

Okay, that's it. I need to take serious action. Throwing parchment and waving my arms and trying to corner him after class have not worked at all. Obviously. That's not _radical _enough! It's easy to ignore! I need to do something _better, _something that he won't be able to avoid. Something that will _force _him to talk to me. And for that… I will need Lily. And Albus. I was never all that keen on filling him in about the whole 'Rose has fallen for the mortal enemy' ordeal, because I was worried about how he would react.

He's not the biggest Malfoy fan. But this calls for drastic action, and I will need their deviousness. I am fresh out of ideas about how to get his attention, and my first couple weren't exactly what one would call winners anyway.

I just hope that Al doesn't react _too _badly. And that they don't convince me to participate in some completely ridiculous plan that has a probable success rate of negative a million.

* * *

Okay. I'm fairly certain that Lily and Al have lost their minds. They have got to be the _worst _devious masterminds this school has ever seen, how did I get stuck with _them _as my cousins? Couldn't I have been given people with more common sense? Of course not.

Though I suppose I should be grateful that Al even agreed to help. I wasn't sure he would, in the moments following my confession of everything that's happened in the past 2 weeks, when his mouth was opening and closing wordlessly and his face had gone all blotchy and red. Which wasn't very becoming.

He was, needless to say, less than impressed with my infidelity and my choice of male, and was also hurt that I had not trusted our relationship enough to share all of this with him earlier. Which, you know, fair enough. I should have come to Al sooner with this whole mess; he has always given better advice than his impulsive little sister.

But, what's done is done, and I can't change any of my secret-keeping from Al now. We had a long chat, and I apologized and confessed and it was beautiful and blah blah blah.

And then him and Lily got down to business and started planning. I must admit, I was quite excited. I felt kind of like a spy, or a ninja, or someone who worked in secret doing things that were just so important that if I told a single soul I would have to kill them! It was such a rush. Until I actually _heard _the plan, and the reality set in that we were just a bunch of kids trying to get a boy to talk to me again. And our plan sucks.

At least, _I _think it sucks. I can't speak for Lily and Al, and I won't, because it's their plan and they seem to think it's brilliant. In spite of all of my protests and my rationalizing, explaining to them in great detail exactly _why _it was doomed for failure, they were undeterred.

Not to mention that I don't even want to _think _about how many school rules we would be breaking. It would be a travesty. I am a good girl, I do not sneak around the castle in the middle of the night (again, spooky darkness) _kidnapping _young men! They must be pulling my chain, their plan cannot _actually _be to sneak inside the Slytherin common room in the middle of the night and kidnap Scorpius Malfoy. And then lock him in a room with me somewhere and not release him (or, I should say, us) until all issues have been smoothed out.

Because _that _is a foolproof plan.

I don't know if we'll even be able to get _in _to the Slytherin common room in the first place. Lily said not to worry about it, that she 'has her ways' of getting the password. Okay, ew. I didn't need to picture her 'persuading' some Slytherin bloke to tell her the password. And I don't think Albus did either. Well, nice of her to contribute, it's great that she is using her powers for good rather than evil. I guess.

And if we do get in there, how exactly are we supposed to kidnap him? Needless to say, I have never kidnapped anyone before, but I don't think it's a simple task. Otherwise people would probably do it all the time. I know I would. Er, let's keep that a secret.

Apparently we are to put a silencing charm around his bed, then put him in a full body bind, then disillusion him, then levitate him to the nearest broom cupboard/empty classroom, lock the two of us in it, and then remove all of said charms. _Simple. _Not to mention that they're just going to leave me in a room with a Malfoy who is going to be extremely, _extremely _pissed off. And grumpy, and half asleep, and that is just a little bit scary.

Besides, what happens if we run into someone on our way? It's hard enough to disillusion one person, there's no way we can _all _become invisible. So, if we see a teacher, we just, what? Get expelled? What kind of plan _is _this? I refuse to get expelled when I only have 6 months left of schooling before I graduate and start my career of becoming the next Minister of Magic. Or would that be Ministress? Ministra?

Oh, whatever. The thing is, I really do want to speak to Malfoy, and I want to apoligize and I _want, _more than _anything, _for him to forgive me, but I'm scared. I'm scared of sneaking around the castle at night, I'm scared of getting caught, I'm scared of the Slytherin Boys Dorm, and I'm scared that I will pour my heart out to him and he'll just tear it to pieces.

Which is what I deserve, but that doesn't make the thought any more appetizing. As much as I want to talk to him, I feel so nervous thinking about it, and the more days that go by without us speaking the worse it gets. Seriously, my stomach gets all twisty and I don't want to eat anymore (unless it's cake, in which case, I force it down anyway). I just want to get this _over _with, and then, when he totally rejects me and laughs in my face at least I can say that I _tried. _

We're doing it tomorrow. Friday the 13th, how symbolic. Unless I chicken out, of course. No, no, I take that back, I _won't _chicken out, I'm doing it. No matter how stupid it is. For once, I'm actually going to _do _something, I'm going to fight for what I want. Consequences be damned. All's fair in love and war, right? This _has _to work. It has to. And it will. Or else I am going to boil Lily and Albus in my cauldron, and poor Aunt Ginny and Uncle Harry will only have one child left, and that, in itself, would be a tragedy.

-Rose Weasley. The KIDNAPPER.

* * *

A/N: So this is, I believe, the third to last chapter. Unless I combine the last two into one. In which case this would be the second to last chapter. In case anybody cares :P

And also, for continuity purposes, the 13th would not technically fall on a Friday, but hey. This is fanfiction. It can be whatever day of the week I choose :)

Review if you've ever felt like a ninja :)


	15. I Still Love You

A/N: This is, by far, the longest chapter I have ever written. I sort of feel like I've run a marathon. In a good way :)

_Can you search down inside, let go of your pride?_

_If I forget trying to win, and just let you in?_

_I didn't travel this far to watch it all fall apart_

_So give me your hand and take a chance_

_-I Still Love You, Alexz Johnson

* * *

_

December 15 (or is it 16th? It's quite late. Or early.)

I'm glad to have you back.

The Hospital Wing would be so boring without you.

I have just had the 2 most stressful days of my entire life. I think I developed high blood pressure. I'm more prone than ever for a heart attack now. A lot has happened since our last little pow wow, so I would suggest settling in and preparing for a long and winding story. I guess I'll start from the beginning; that would be logical.

So. Thursday night, after creating the 'Kidnap Scorpius Malfoy And Force Him to Declare His Undying Love' plan (also known as KSMAFHTDHUL), I had a mini breakdown. And I almost threw the whole plan out the window. _Almost. _ But I didn't, aren't you proud of me? I had a nightmare. About McGonagall. And being caught out of bed, and as a result being fed to the Acromantula in the Forbidden Forest, while Malfoy watched and laughed; it was _traumatizing _I tell you! And I would have completely lost my nerve if it hadn't been for Lily.

The next morning, at Breakfast, she took one look at me and hauled me out of my seat in the Great Hall and all the way back to the Common Room, despite my numerous protests. Oh well, it's not like I was hungry anyway. And she sat me down in the comfy chair by the fire (thanks Lily, how considerate) and _lectured _me. About how she could tell something had happened to change my attitude, but there was no _way, _in the name of all of the snogable blokes at Hogwarts, that she was going to let me back out, and let my 'one and only chance for happiness' slip away.

And she was choked that she would have spent hours planning for nothing. But still. I suppose it was sweet of her. She really does know me awfully well; it's a bit spooky.

But I was filled with a newfound determination. And I had _Lily _on my side, and nothing bad _ever_ seems to happen to her. I'm starting to think maybe she is some kind of invincible superhero. Which is cool. And I think it's because she never really thinks about how the things she's doing are _wrong. _So she is never acting guilty, and she gets away with _everything_. When really it's just because she has no conscience whatsoever.

I worried all day, though I did my best not to. I _sort of _failed at the whole 'not worrying' thing though, considering every time I saw a staff member I pictured them throwing me out of the school, and whenever I saw Malfoy all I could picture was various gruesome ways he would shatter my heart. But I was _trying._

When it was time to execute the plan, I was terrified. My legs felt like jelly and my heart was in my throat before I had even left my dorm. I'm pitiful. I met up with Lily and Al right outside Ravenclaw Tower, as per the plan. Lily assured us, with a smug smirk, that she had learned that the Slytherin password was 'effulgence'. Which was slightly unfortunate, because that was my only chance of escaping certain expulsion; if we didn't have the password, we couldn't continue.

Damn Lily for being such an able seductress!

So we crept forward, still feeling sort of like ninjas, but, er, apprehensive ninja's. If there is such a thing. And, unfortunately, we didn't make it to the Slytherin Dungeon without running into someone. Did you really think we would? But you'll never guess who it was.

FFRLG.

Whose real name is actually Mona Fer-something or other. And what was she doing roaming the castle in the wee hours of the morning you might ask? Of _course _she was headed for the Library. Apparently this is something she does on a fairly regular basis; she trots off to the Library in the middle of the night to ensure that she is able to soak up the knowledge that is present only in the Restricted Section. Who knew she was a rule-breaker?

After she confessed this to us, she demanded rather testily what _we _were doing out of bed. To which I responded, "We are off on a very important mission to kidnap a young man and force him to talk to me so that we can resolve our romantic issues and embark upon our Happily Ever After." To which she actually… laughed. Though, surprisingly, not in a nasty way. Just sort of awkwardly. She seemed quite uncomfortable to be on her feet and not sitting in a chair poring over a book. I felt somewhat guilty for disliking her so strongly before. Especially when she gave us a shy little 'good luck, then' and shuffled away.

At least she didn't threaten to tell on us. I always knew she was secretly a nice person. Didn't I tell you? Right when I met her, I said she had a friendly face. I just have _instincts _about people, it's a certain gift I have been blessed with.

Though, believe it or not, she was the only soul we saw the whole way there. A good omen, in my opinion. In fact, the trek there was quite uneventful, barring our encounter with FFRLG (or Mona, I suppose I should say), and I felt rather foolish for having fretted so much. It was even, dare I say it, kinda fun.

But now let's get to the interesting stuff, shall we? Such as, the actual kidnapping and the resulting events. The only boys dorm I had ever been in was Al's, in Gryffindor Tower. This one was quite different, much cooler and tidier and… _greener. _Though it's diminished temperature did not seem to deter the inhabitants from wearing _clothes _while sleeping. They were all so unprepared for a kidnapping! Didn't they realize that they should wear more than just boxers to bed, in the case that some girls and their male cousin should sneak in and abduct them?

Apparently this thought had never occurred to them. Though all of my panic returned full force at the thought that I would shortly be locked in a room with a nearly naked Scorpius Malfoy. Lord help me, I already had a difficult time controlling myself around him! This task was starting to seem impossible again; the whole point was for me to _talk _to him, which I would undoubtedly not be able to do if he remained in his current state of undress!

But, I am ashamed to say… I did nothing to try and fix the problem. Come on, would you? It was such a heavenly sight; you can't blame me for wanting to admire it for as long as possible, even if it was likely to cause my ultimate destruction.

And then we charmed him up, made sure that no one could hear us and that he absolutely could not move and was not visible. Phase one, complete. Over and out. Roger. Ninja. We're champs. Moving on.

And then came the part that I was somehow most and least looking forward to at the same time. Lily and Al locked us in the closest vacant space we encountered, which was, of _course, _a broom closet, because I was an evil sorcerer in a past life and the powers that be are constantly punishing me; this time by forcing me into a teeny tiny space with a beautiful, half-naked, and pissed off young man. Just my luck.

He wasn't… exactly… thrilled with the situation, to say the least. Once he could move again, he proceeded to glare and stomp around and let out a string of profanities which I will not repeat, other than 'have you lost your _bloody _mind?' because I think that I very well might have. He then uselessly banged on the door for a while trying to escape, and continued his tantrum when it was in vain. While all of this was going on I _ma_y have simply been ogling his lovely chest and how it is just so _defined, _and how he has those _man lines _that have got to just be the hottest things ever and FOCUS ROSE Merlin I am like an animal in heat. What would my mother say?

Until he turned to me and I started to panic again and forgot why we were even locked in this stupid closet in the first place. But as I am always poised and collected when in the presence of attractive males, I choked out, "So hey, what's up?"

Brilliant.

What is wrong with me? He gave me that _look _again, the one that clearly says 'you are a _nutter, _how were you ever released into society?' which I tend to get from him a little too often. Luckily I found my head and was able to get back on track relatively quickly. Relatively being the key word, there. It would seem that in all of the hours I had spent fretting about how I would explain myself to Scorpius and how it would end it devastation, I had never once considered what I would actually _say. _

So it wasn't pretty. I sort of just took a deep breath and let everything tumble out, about how kidnapping him was the only way to get him to talk to me and I _needed _to explain myself because of _course _I didn't really think he was a disgrace, I am merely an idiot (which he should know already) who lashed out in jealousy because _he _was the one who had snogged my cousin in the first place, which angered me beyond belief because _I _wanted to be the only one to snog him. Because I had fallen for him and I didn't even understand how or when it had happened.

And the whole time he didn't say anything, he just looked at me and I just kept trying to get my mouth to shut up but when has it _ever _listened to me? And when he finally did speak, it was as though he hadn't heard a word I'd said.

He softly asked if I had ever remembered what had happened the first night we had kissed. The night of the party. Which I hadn't.

Apparently I had spewed a speech quite similar to the one I had just uttered. Except drunkenly, so I assume there was lots of slurring. All about how 'I never meant any of the things I said about him, I thought he was brilliant and so much more of a man than Lorcan ever could be', and I told him, drunk of my arse on Firewhiskey, that I had fallen for him. And he had kissed me, and he told me, still in that quiet voice that was making me worry, that he _knew _I was drunk, and it wouldn't mean anything to me, but hearing those things meant everything to him no matter what brought them on.

And then I didn't even _remember _any of it, and I went right back to Lorcan, and he tried to make me remember how great all of it had been. But I wouldn't let go of my denials, refused to accept that there was anything real between us, was unable to see that he was more than just a slimy Malfoy.

Well I suppose I was right when I predicted he would break my heart when I went to talk to him, but I didn't think it would be from hearing how he thought I felt about him. How could all of this have happened? I didn't think that my lying to myself about my feelings could have hurt _anyone _else. And I suppose all that nonsense that 'drunken words are sober thoughts' has some merit after all; it was only when I was intoxicated that I was ready to acknowledge the feelings that I had completely locked away.

I wanted to prove to him that I meant it. This time I meant it, and, Hell, last time I meant it to, even if I didn't realize it. If that makes any sense at all. So I kissed him, and it was wonderful and it dawned on me just how much I had _missed _this feeling, feeling like I was flying and falling simultaneously. Feeling in _love. _And then it was over.

He pulled away, and he was shaking his head, and saying he couldn't do this, he couldn't have me change my mind again, take everything back again. And I panicked. Like always. Except, for once, me being impulsive actually paid off. I did something _right. _How often does _that _happen?

I gave you to him to read. And yes, of course I brought you with me on mission KSMAFHTDHUL. Did you think I was going to leave you behind, all vulnerable to be broken into and read by my wretched and nosy dormmates? I don't _think _so. I told him to read you, (while ignoring any less than complimentary comments) because I needed him to believe what I was saying, and I trusted him, even if he was a Malfoy, trusted him with all of the ammunition he would ever need to humiliate me but believing he wouldn't.

I was trusting him with _all _of my secrets, all of my thoughts that I never ever imagined anyone would read, and there was a very good chance he would clue in to just how bonkers I really am and therefore want nothing to do with me anymore. Or be insulted when I declared that I hoped he got hypothermia. Or when I said he was a heinous individual. Or when I speculated that he had an incurable need for attention.

See?

I, Rose Weasley, took a real, true risk. Did you think it was possible? I didn't. Oh, the things we do for love.

And then I sent Lily and Al the super secret signal, which was really just a wolf whistle, (I personally think they could have been a little more creative, but hey) and they released me and I bolted back to Ravenclaw Tower faster than anything you have ever seen before. It was really no wonder I didn't get caught by a teacher, I was probably going so fast that they didn't even see me; I was probably just a ginger blur. And I happened to leave poor Lily and Al behind. Oops.

Though, when they finally managed to speak to me, (which wasn't until, er, the next morning as I was busy having a panic attack in my dorm for the remainder of the night) they told me that they _had _been seen by a professor! While I was in the closet! They were spotted by Professor Quigg! But seeing as how she is a nutjob and also the most gullible being on this earth, she believed their 'cover story'. Which was that they were sleepwalking. Honestly. How could she really believe that they were sleepwalking? Together? And in tandem? Is that even possible? I was not kidding when I said this woman should be sacked; she has quite a few screws missing. But, I suppose I should be glad, better her than someone like Uncle Neville, there is no _way _he would have believed a crackpot story like that, and they would be in detention until the day they died!

Luckily, my sidekicks escaped certain death at the hands of their parents, and have since spawned my belief that they are simply immune to getting in trouble.

But I'm sure you're not interested in that, who cares about Lily and Al when we can talk about _Scorpius! _So. I did not sleep a wink all night because I was _fretting, _I was worried that I had done something stupid, _again, _and that the epic ninja plan had only made this irreparably worse. But, fear not! Clearly this story has a happy ending, otherwise I would have chucked myself off of the Astronomy Tower rather than write the whole thing down. Speaking of which, my hand is awfully sore. I think I have carpal tunnel.

I _may _have skipped breakfast this morning to avoid seeing him. But I couldn't stay in my dorm anymore, so I ventured to my safe haven of the Library. Where I happened to run into FFRLG (Mona, Mona, for Merlin's sake I must remember her name!) where, upon her muttering, "So? How did it go? Are you Happily Ever After?" I promptly, er, fainted.

Which is slightly humiliating. Though I don't think it was her words themselves, those were just the last things I remembered before I toppled over and then woke up in the Hospital Wing. I suppose not eating or sleeping for the past 4 days had taken a severe toll on my body. I was bound to crack sooner or later. Madame Rosmerta (who, according to Uncle Harry, used to be a super hot bartender, HAHA! Now she is quite wrinkly) said it was clear that I had been under a lot of stress lately (no, really? I had no idea) and that all I needed was some rest and relaxation.

Right.

_How _was I supposed to relax when, upon waking, out of all the people who were by my bedside, (which was quite a large number, actually, I was shocked. I suspect some of them may simply have come to quietly mock me) there was no Scorpius Malfoy? I felt quite heartbroken and humiliated the whole time I was being visited, but, to be honest, I think I will skip over that part because it was horrible and icky so I think I will just sweep past it to the good part.

The part where he did come visit me. He _snuck _in to visit me, actually. When there was no one else around, and it was all dark and come on, that is sexy! He's a ninja too! And he gave you back to me, and said, "I really am better than hot cocoa on a cold day, aren't I?" And while normally I would have scoffed, or rolled my eyes, I just felt so giddy that he was _here, _and he was _smiling, _and maybe he didn't really think I was a nutjob (alright, he probably does, but maybe it doesn't bother him all that much) that I simply grinned right back, and exclaimed, "You have _no _idea," and then he climbed into the bed with me (oh, just take me now, I don't care if I need rest!) and we snogged for a good long time, and then we both dozed off, and now he's still asleep, right beside me, and I feel like the luckiest girl who ever lived. And the best part is, as lucky as I feel, I think he actually feels lucky too.

Just _wait _till I tell Roxanne.

Actually, I think he's waking up.

Oh, Scorpius Malfoy is just _the _hottest, most snogable boy who has ever existed, and my one and only wish is to be able to lay my eyes (and hands) on him for evermore, he's just so scrumptious, and yes, I am very aware, Malfoy, that you are reading this over my shoulder, which is a slight invasion of privacy. I am kindly asking you to stop laughing, and demand that you snog me at once –

* * *

A/N: Hmm. This has got to be the fluffiest thing I have ever written. I'm not sure I am good at it at all. Ah well, I did my best

Review if you want to cheer me up, because I think there is only one more chapter to go and therefore I am depressed :)


	16. It Had to Be You

A/N: Oh, dear. It's been quite a long time since my last update! I feel rather awful, but I was whisked away on an impromptu family camping trip where there was a 'no technology' rule :(

Though it was sort of a relief, because it let me put off the end of the story… because this will be the last chapter.

Sob.

_Do you feel a certain sense of synergy between yourself and me?_

_A kind of macabre and somber Wonder-twin type of harmony?_

_What if it was you?_

_You that I needed all along_

_I felt like a fool_

_Kicking and screaming and pretending we were wrong_

_-It Had to Be You, Motion City Soundtrack_

_

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_

December 18

I had put off writing in you for several days, because I knew, if I did, all that was going to come out of the end of my quill would be a raging river of fluffy goo which would undoubtedly make me gag if I were to ever reread it.

But alas, that is apparently inescapable.

Because I have never ever _ever _felt so, dance around the room for no reason, wave at strange students, smile until your cheeks ache, _happy. _ I didn't really think it was possible for someone who was wound as tightly as I am. I kind of feel like my whole life has just fallen into place, and I want to feel like this _forever. _And no, you don't have to tell me that it is silly and ridiculous to be so crazy head over heels for a bloke you've been with for a grand total of 3 days, and to think that he is all I will ever need to be happy.

I suppose I could use a few other things to achieve ultimate Nirvana bliss. Like to graduate as the top student Hogwarts has _ever _had, to snog on a broomstick while flying, and to have been born with Lily's straight flowing hair rather than my crazy curls, but hey. Right now, all of those things can be completely put on hold.

All you really need is love.

And I think I have it. I think this is what it feels like, to feel completely out of control but to not want anything to change. I usually hate being out of control, but somehow, around him, it's okay. It was so different with Lorcan; I never fully let him in. I never let go of that control, I was scared to give him the power to either make me laugh uncontrollably or cry hysterically. In the whole 8 months we were together. I think it's kind of weird that I _want _to feel out of control with Scorpius. But I like it. I _love _it.

I love everything right now, actually. I'm currently on the Hogwarts Express, heading home for Christmas Break. I love Christmas. I love snow. I love mistletoe. I love getting gifts. I love _buying _gifts. I love Aunt Ginny trying to cook and always letting something burn. I love my mum hovering over me and acting as though I've been away at war for 20 years. I love my dad being an idiot. I love Hugo being annoying.

I love _life._

Is this the 'Honeymoon Phase'? Do you think? You know, the part that fades away, the part where you feel like you just want to spend every possible waking moment with that special person; where you feel like, no matter what you're doing, if they were there it would be _better? _ I rather hope not, because, scientifically, the honeymoon phase does not last. And I want it to.

But how could it not? I feel like things could never go back to the way they used to be, not now that I've felt all of this. I feel like I can't live without it.

Though, perhaps I should make more of an effort to be less mushy. You never know when someone else will have to read you, and I would find myself slightly humiliated if anyone in the world read all that I have just written, because it's just so _sappy. _I absolutely cannot show this to Scorpius now, or he will either get totally freaked out by how ecstatic I am, or throw up at how I am such an emotional _girl. _

He's sitting in the train car with me right now, actually, and I must say he looks quite ravishing. He is constantly trying to stealthily peek over my shoulder at what I am writing, and whenever I catch him he gives me the most adorable smirk, and I just don't understand how I was ever able to truly be _angry _with him. Who could be upset with that _face?_

And he's quite intelligent. Since I am being a terrible anti-social girlfriend, and am scrawling in you rather than interacting with my one true love (which I am totally doing on purpose, by the way, it's _strategy, _I don't want him to feel sick of me!) he is currently reading ahead. How attractive. I do so love an academic man. Although he seems to be mocking the author of 'The Prime History of the Fall of the Vampiric Empire' and keeps scoffing to himself. Says the author has it all wrong; of _course _he does, and that's why he published a book about it…

I'm sure Mona has read it and has a differing opinion. Speaking of, I have some _fantabulous _news to announce.

But you have to guess.

No, I did not lose my virginity to Malfoy on the hood of a muggle car. Yet. Though, that would be fantabulous news. Alright, I'll just tell you I suppose.

I made a _friend._ Someone who _isn't _related to me. I never thought it possible in a million trillion years, but here we are! And yes, it is our very own FFRLG Mona. Who I may have intensely hated not a week ago, but things have changed since then. She's actually rather… interesting. Yeah, yeah, so I was wrong about her, blah blah blah, don't judge a book by its cover (oo I'm ever so clever), first impressions can be deceiving, I know.

We have quite a bit in common actually.

She, obviously, loves to read. And so do I. And when, after being released from the Hospital Wing, I once again approached her, we sort of had an unspoken agreement. An unspoken apology for our behaviors when we first met. I feel so mature. She also came to visit me in the Hospital Wing, (which I, er, didn't notice, as I was busy drowning in misery at the time) which was very thoughtful and unnecessary of her.

I quite enjoy her company, honestly. She has lots of opinions that she has always been too shy to voice to, well, anyone, and it's rather lovely that she feels she can share some of them with me. _And _it's rather lovely that she's not family. Though she did confess to me that she found Al extremely attractive, which is not something I am all that used to hearing.

I mean, he's quite the goof.

But hey, to each their own, I suppose. Perhaps I should set them up for love, seeing as how my own love life is so completely perfect. Obviously I have mad skills.

Though I think I should get to know her a bit better first. No need to rush into things. I may only get one chance to give them a star-crossed romance, only one chance for them to owe me for the rest of their sweet little lives, which will be filled with lots of quiet, bookish, yet simultaneously class-clownish children.

Oh, I can see it now.

Then, once I am done with them, I will start on Lily. She needs to settle down and find the love of her life too, like me and Al and Mona have, otherwise she will end up the third wheel cat lady! Alone forever! She _needs _me! I'll rescue her from a lifetime of loneliness and misery; fear not. It will be easy, I'll just have to demonstrate to her that being in a relationship just means that you get to snog the hot bloke you have chosen _whenever _you want, and it requires no work whatsoever! It's completely brilliant!

Though it is a shame that her snogs won't be as good as mine, seeing as how I snagged the number one most skilled snogger in the world. Which I deserve, for being older than her, and all. She'll have to settle for second best. I think I'll pat myself on the back.

I forgot that I wasn't alone in this compartment for a split second. Scorpius is once again looking at me like I am not human… Does he not pat himself on the back every once in a while, when he's feeling proud of himself?

* * *

Apparently not. I asked him, and he responded with, 'why pat my own back when I can get someone to pat it for me?' which is totally lazy and ridiculous and whatnot, but regardless I had an uncontrollable urge to pat his back. Which is incredibly sexy, like all the rest of him. I'd never really noticed his back before, because I had always been rather focused on his behind, (oh, shut up, you would be too, it's glorious) but now I have realized what I was missing!

Patting his back was quite a satisfying experience. Mostly because it led to us snogging. Until Al burst in and interrupted us, (of _course_) though it was probably for the best that he came in when he did, and not 10 minutes later, because Scorpius' hands were getting dangerously high up my skirt and had they actually reached their target, there would probably be dead Scorpius all over the floor right now.

Though I'm feeling awfully put out with Al. I am admitting that I have never actually, _really _had hands fully up my skirt, and I was rather looking forward to it. I don't care if a compartment on the Hogwarts Express is not classy. I have _needs _you know. _Now _when am I supposed to get his hands up my skirt? After Christmas Break? That's _weeks _from now!

I just reread that and it sounds awfully slutty. Do you think I'm a slag? I can't help it if I have the single, most shagable boyfriend anyone has ever laid eyes on.

Stupid _Al. _I'll get him back for this. Oh, and now Mona has arrived, and I can't quite bring myself to be glad to see her because I am still feeling slightly sulky that my snogging session was cut short. And Scorpius clearly is, too, which is cheering me up a little. He seems slightly uncomfortable and is now holding his books at an interesting angle, obviously to hide the physical evidence of how hot I make him.

I am clearly a sex goddess.

A virgin sex goddess, but a sex goddess all the same. I'm badass. And to amuse myself even further, I am currently watching Al and Mona try and make small talk. It's painful. It's crucifying. It's _wonderful. _Not that I'm any better at small talk, but hey. She's all blushing and mumbly and he just looks completely perplexed. They so need my help. They'll never find love at this rate! They haven't even had any steamy eye contact! Mona keeps staring at her shoelaces!

The poor dears.

We're almost at platform 9 ¾ now, and while I _am _looking forward to seeing my family, I'm even more _not _looking forward to 2 weeks without Scorpius. Maybe I will be able to run away from home and visit with him and we can snog for a full day with no interruptions! That sounds like a lovely Christmas gift.

It would make me happier than Mona would be if Al kissed her under the mistletoe, happier than Lily would be if she managed to snog every bloke in Hogwarts before she graduates, happier than my mum would be if house elves were paid more than she is, happier than my dad would be if I never stepped within a 5 foot radius of a teenage boy –

Speaking of.

My father.

I can't wait to break the news to him that I am madly in love with the son of the man his wife punched out. Oh, Merlin. There is no _way _that can go well.

Oh, this Christmas Break is just gonna be so _fun._

-Rose Weasley. The Virgin Sex Goddess Matchmaker Who Is Soon To Be Disowned.

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A/N: It's DONE. I can't really believe I actually finished something.

But I really don't _want _it to be over, so if you guys would be interested in reading a sequel please tell me and I would love to write one, about their families' reaction and the continuation of their relationship…

But I'm also nervous that I would write a sequel that wouldn't be as good as this one, and it would kind of ruin it. So we'll see what happens, because I'm actually quite proud of this story.

Thank you _so _much to everyone who has reviewed, alerted, and favourited, especially those who reviewed multiple chapters. It's what made me so excited to write this, and it was a really great experience for me. :D

I truly love you all!

Review if you liked the Ridiculous Ramblings of Rose enough to read all the way to the last chapter :)


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